IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Nowadays more and more people want to get things done instantly (services, information, tasks). Why is this? Do you think it is a positive or negative development?

#people #services #information #tasks #development
Advancement of
technology
 brought a massive impact on our society by obtaining services, information and tasks rapidly. I believe
this
 has drawbacks for every individual like decreasing the essence of
humanity
 and being an impatient person in society. Other people might perceive that there are fringe benefits to
this
 advent of
technology
.
For example
, work would be simplified in every household since the availability of equipment like vacuum cleaning would swiftly finish the task, aside from
this
, food delivery is accessible by using a mobile phone without delays.
Thus
, people would get those essential needs easily in the comfort of their homes.
However
, I strongly believe that
this
 development of
technology
 would diminish the essence of
humanity
.
For instance
, if an online delivery
would
Verb problem
did
show examples
 not arrive on time at the customer's front door, they were easily annoyed to the extent that they shouted at the delivery boy.
Moreover
, a person
became
Wrong verb form
become
show examples
 immensely impatient by not obtaining services instantly because they are living in a
fast pace
Correct your spelling
fast-paced
show examples
 world where they would like accessibility in just a snap of seconds.
Consequently
,
humanity
 and patience with others are slowly vanishing from each and every one. In our village, where
technology
 arises rapidly, it can be seen in my neighbourhood how they transform their life through the effect of phone usage. Way back before, they would patiently wait for the newspaper to be delivered,
however
, these days they tend to get angry once the news on their phone is not updated.
As a result
, they are easily irritated and impatient in public services.
To conclude
, the flexibility of day-to-day household chores can be instantly finished by using the latest
technology
 and other commodities can be acquired swiftly as well.
However
, I strongly believe that the usage of
technology
 would slowly remove the essence of
humanity
 and society is becoming more impatient once they can not get things in an instant.
Submitted by maymosqueda on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present, but the development of ideas lacks depth. The main points are somewhat supported but with limited development and coherence.
task achievement
The response comprehensively addresses the prompt. However, the development of ideas lacks depth and sufficient examples. More specific and relevant examples could further enhance the response.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: