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Writing Samples
Band 5

to what extent do you agree or disagree that young people who commit crimes should be treated the same as adults who commit crimes

#people #crimes #adults
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It is true that
the
Correct article usage
apply
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young crime is increasing at a terrifying rate all over the world. While some
people
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 tend towards the viewpoint that
the
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apply
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young
offenders
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 should receive less
punishment
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 than adults who commit
crimes
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, I would have to support the idea that
the
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apply
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young
people
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 who commit
crimes
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 should be treated the same as adults. On the one hand, it is understandable for some
people
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 to believe
the
Correct your spelling
that
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 mental intelligence is not fully matured at a young age, in which case
the
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apply
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young
people
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 are more likely to commit
crimes
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 if influenced by others.
Therefore
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, education, other than
punishment
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 should be the main guiding strategy when dealing with
such
Linking Words
crimes
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.
On the other hand
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, since young
offenders
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 are defined as persons without civil capacity from a legal point of view, it is
a
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apply
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bona fide that they should receive a lighter
punishment
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 when committing the same
crimes
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than
Change preposition
as
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 adults.
However
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,
at
Change preposition
from
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 the victims’ point of view, the sufferings of the victims and their
family
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families
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 made no sense no matter how old the
offenders
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 are.
Moreover
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,
people
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 who commit
crimes
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are tend
Change the verb form
tend
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 to be influenced by the education of their family and school, and the criminal motive of an adult could originate from
the
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apply
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childhood experience.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, it is understandable that
an
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apply
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adult
offender
Fix the agreement mistake
offenders
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 could regret
for
Remove the preposition
apply
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their
crimes
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 with greater maturity. In conclusion, the measurements of
punishment
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 depend on the criminal
behaviors
Change the spelling
behaviours
show examples
, and the attitude of the
offenders
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, rather than the age of the
people
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 who committed
crimes
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.
Submitted by bunyanchen on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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