the amount of time spend on sport and exercise should be increased in school in order to tackle the problem of overweight children do you think the best way to deal with the problem sir what others solution can you suggest.

#amount #time #sport #exercise #school #children #sir

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Over the past decades, the rate of obesity has significantly increased, especially among youth. As

this

Linking Words

phenomenon is definitely detrimental to our society, some people advocate schools provide longer hours to practice physical exercise. Personally, I agree with

this

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opinion and there are

also

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additional factors that may be beneficial in solving

this

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trend. It is undeniable that children who study in school spend the majority of their

time

Use synonyms

sitting in classrooms. There,

although

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, are PE courses, the

time

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spent on physical exercises is still unbalanced when considering the

time

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they spend on chairs.

Thus

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, the school may consider organizing some afterschool programs

such

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as football clubs and basketball clubs. Students who finished their courses can participate in those activities which keep their bodies in good shape.

Furthermore

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, the cafeterias in schools should stop selling food like pizza, burgers or fries which contain high sugar, fat and sodium. Consumption of those junk food on a daily basis absolutely increases the chance of getting obese and

also

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other health-related issues. Those younger generations who are growing up should intake nutrition like varieties of vitamins and fibres. Supplying soup and salad might be a better option which may lower the rate of being overweight. In conclusion, it is

time

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schools concerned took proper steps to lower the number of obesity among their students. By practising the suggestions mentioned above,

this

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problem may be eradicated in the near future hopefully.

Submitted by nonam224 on Sat Jan 21 2023

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Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

firstly
secondly
thirdly
in additional
moreover
also
for example
for instance
therefore
however
although
even though
despite

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6
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 8.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 9.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 8.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

237 words

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the amount of time spend on sport and exercise should be increased in school in order to tackle the problem of overweight children do you think the best way to deal with the problem sir what others solution can you suggest.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Today more and more people want things instantly (e.g goods, service, news) Why is this ? Is it a positive or negative development ?

Information technology enables many people to do their work outside their workplace. Do the benefit of this mobility out where the disadvantages? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Some people believe they should keep all the money they have earned and should not pay taxes to the state. Do you agree or disagree?

A growing number of people rely on restaurants and convenience food (frozen food and packaged meals) rather than home-cooked food to supply most of their meals. What are the advantages and disadvantages of eating this way?