IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

The most important aim of science should be to improve patient's lives. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

Some
people
Use synonyms
 argue that the most crucial purpose of studying about the world and the growth of
science
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 has to be to make the
nations
Use synonyms
 life easier and better to live in
this
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 globe. I completely agree with
this
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 statement, as from my perspective, the growth of
science
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 should be concerning making the world a better place and making life have a better quality in many aspects. Regarding the hard work of scientists and the ones who are interested in
this
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 field, we are seeing some great changes in
this
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 path compared to the
last
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 decades.
For instance
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, many medications are invented and founded by the daily works of these
people
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 which nowadays can cure sick
people
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 and prevent the future sequences. I believe that
this
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 is an excellent achievement in
this
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 economy with the attacks of viruses day by day.
Therefore
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, the number of
nations
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 dying
due to
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 serious issues is not comparable to the
last
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 generations. By finding the proper vaccine for COVID-19,
furthermore
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,
this
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 damaging global issue is fully cleared from all around the world.
On the contrary
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, scientists should put a great amount of effort into making
people
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's lives easier, since the way of living and today's situation do not remain the same as in the past times, so
science
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 should undergo some changes for improvement either.
This
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 improvement should make life more tolerable and interesting,
as well as
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 make individuals more knowledgeable of the new inventions since there is still a lot to know about.
For example
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, NASA is trying its best daily to get more information about space to inform society about it by providing new rockets and spaceships to get more details which can help
nations
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 living on the earth in the future to move to another planet if the globe is no longer be the proper place to live in.
To sum up
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, to me,
science
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 and its inventions have to be the tools to make
nations
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 more knowledgeable
as well as
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 help them to overcome unknown problems.

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constructive
Your essay presents a strong argument supporting the view that science should primarily aim to make life better, evidenced by relevant examples such as advancements in medicine and space exploration. To further improve, consider presenting counterarguments more robustly to enhance the depth of your discussion. This approach not only shows your ability to consider various perspectives but also strengthens your argument by addressing potential criticisms.
constructive
In terms of structure, your essay is well-organized, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. Each paragraph focuses on a single main idea, which contributes to the essay's overall coherence. To enhance cohesion, try to use a wider range of linking words and phrases to more smoothly connect your ideas and paragraphs. This will make your essay flow even better.
task response
Your essay effectively illustrates the impact of scientific advancements in improving lives, with specific examples such as the development of vaccines and space exploration. This demonstrates a strong understanding of the topic and enhances your task response score.
coherence cohesion
The logical structure of your essay, with a clear introduction, body, and conclusion, as well as well-supported main points, contributes significantly to its coherence and cohesion.
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