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Band 6.5

Prison is the common way in most countries to solve the problem of crime. However, a more effective solution is to provide people with a better education. Do you agree or disagree?

#prison #countries #crime #people #education
Despite the fact that prison sentences are popular methods in most countries to combat criminal issues, many
people
 believe that the improvement of information and
education
 is more effective in solving these problems. I completely agree with the latter viewpoint for several reasons.
Firstly
, most crimes are committed by illiterate
people
, who do not understand the law and their rights, which can lead to vulnerability to victimization.
In addition
, the illiteracy rate is significantly higher among the prison population than the general one.
Therefore
, one of the most successful approaches for reducing
crime
 rates is reducing illiteracy rates, which can happen through investment in
education
.
For example
, the authorities can set up many training and rehabilitation programs not only for criminals as a punishment, which can help them to make the right choices in life, but
also
 for ordinary
people
 as an educational program, which can increase their legal system’s information, and they become prepared to keep away from situations involving them in the offence.
Secondly
, I believe poverty and the shortage of fundamental human rights can increase
crime
 rates, which can decline by giving qualified
education
 to the public, which leads to providing jobs for them in the future because well-educated
people
 are more likely to get jobs, which will be sufficient to meet their needs and their families’ ones and do not need to engage in illegal activities to gain more money.
In other words
,
education
 gives
people
 the safety of a decent job that saves them from the
crime
 path.
To conclude
,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 agree with the statement saying that
education
 is a more effective method against
crime
.
That is
 because, not only
education
gives
Wrong verb form
give
show examples
 individuals more information about laws but
also
Correct pronoun usage
it also
show examples
,
can provide
Wrong verb form
provides
show examples
 better jobs for them.
Submitted by ha.mahsa73 on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph starts with a clear topic sentence and that ideas are logically connected throughout.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present and adequately summarize the main points presented in the essay.
task achievement
The response provides a clear and comprehensive argument in favor of the idea that education is more effective than prison in reducing crime.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples to further support and illustrate the ideas presented.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • tackles root causes
  • preventative approach
  • critical thinking
  • decision-making skills
  • recidivism rates
  • equipping
  • socio-economic benefits
  • underlying factors
  • poverty
  • ignorance
  • lack of opportunities
  • rehabilitation
  • ineffective
  • higher rates of re-offending
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