Many children these days have an unhealthy lifestyle. Both shools and parents are resposible for solving this problem. To what extent do you agree with this statement?

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Today, the vast majority of young generations do not follow a healthy style of life. Many people believe that not only parents but
also
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

schools are accountable in order to resolve
this
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

concern. My opinion about
this
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

idea probably falls somewhere in the middle, since the children often are not able to control their
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour

The spelling of behavior is a non-British variant. For consistency, consider replacing it with the British English spelling.

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and distinguish what is advisable for them, but more depends on their self-awareness about something wrong.
This
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

essay goes into
details
Fix the agreement mistake
detail

It seems that details may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

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of
Change preposition
about

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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both approaches.   One idea proposes that people at
young
Add an article
a young

The noun phrase young age seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

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age cannot manage to restrain themselves from junk
food
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

.
Hence
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, they need parental or
scholactic
Correct your spelling
scholastic

If you don’t want scholactic to be marked as misspelled in the future, you can add it to your personal dictionary.

monitoring. Because in case responsible persons maintain teenagers with
relevant
Add an article
the relevant

The noun phrase relevant healthy food menu seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

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healthy
food
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

menu
Fix the agreement mistake
menus

It seems that menu may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

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, they are not going to face problems with nutrition. Particularly, education establishments play a considerable role, as nowadays more
food
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

is being consumed by children at school. Dutch schools can
surve
Correct your spelling
serve

If you don’t want surve to be marked as misspelled in the future, you can add it to your personal dictionary.

as the most applicable example. Where
food
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

is
surved
Correct your spelling
served

If you don’t want surved to be marked as misspelled in the future, you can add it to your personal dictionary.

free of charge for the full functioning of the
organizm
Correct your spelling
organism

If you don’t want organizm to be marked as misspelled in the future, you can add it to your personal dictionary.

.
Moreover
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, meals are given according to
exact
Correct article usage
the exact

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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schedule.
This
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

technique provides strict control and even leaves no worries for parents.
Which
Correct pronoun usage
This

It seems that there is a pronoun problem here.

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means that schools can
also
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

affect
on
Change preposition
apply

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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a youth's healthy lifestyle.   But on the downside, unbalanced feeding is inevitable among young unless they are conscious about
it's
Replace the word
its

It appears that the contraction it's should be a possessive pronoun instead. Consider changing it.

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insalubrity. Now it has reached a point where a growing number of
adolescent
Fix the agreement mistake
adolescents

It seems that adolescent may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

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aimlessly eat anything they want without thinking that it could harm their body in a number of ways.
Moreover
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, sometimes they do not obey anyone, nor their parents,
nor
Correct word choice
or

It seems that conjunction use may be incorrect here.

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school. And often it is likely to worsen the gaps even trying to
iliminate
Correct your spelling
eliminate

If you don’t want iliminate to be marked as misspelled in the future, you can add it to your personal dictionary.

a problem. So owing to
this
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, children need to
self-aware
Add a missing verb
be self-aware

It seems that you are missing a verb. Consider adding it.

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the
Change preposition
of the

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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harm and get rid of bad
habbits
Correct your spelling
habits

If you don’t want habbits to be marked as misspelled in the future, you can add it to your personal dictionary.

, building
a
Correct article usage
the

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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right style of life themselves without interventions.   Having concluded my ideas, young ones need adult control, but it is controllable as soon as they comprehend it
by
Change preposition
on

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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their own

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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