IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

A restaurant has placed an advertisement for waiters and waitresses in your local newspaper. You should spend about 20 minutes on this task. Write a letter to the restaurant, applying for the job. In your letter: • explain what you are currently doing • describe your suitability for this area of work • say when you can attend an interview.

#restaurant #advertisement #waiters #waitresses #newspaper #minutes #job #suitability #area #work #interview
Dear Sir or Madam I am writing you
this
 letter to apply for the position of waitress job that I just saw your advertisement in the newspaper. I
currently
Add a missing verb
am currently
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 a student at Westminster University and I am looking for a part-time job in your restaurant. I have experience
in
Change preposition
as
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waitress
Correct article usage
a waitress
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 and have worked at
cafe
Correct article usage
a cafe
show examples
 for the
last
 2 years. I would like to apply for the job in your restaurant because your place is very popular and beautiful in the city and I live near to your restaurant.
However
, I have six days of classes in the morning time so I can be available to work in the evening time from 5 pm to 9 pm. I study every day except Sunday so, I want to attend an interview on
this
 day. I look forward to hearing from you soon. Please do not hesitate to contact me for any
further
 information Yours faithfully Mehribon
Submitted by omondavlat91 on

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Coherence and cohesion
Ensure a smooth transition between paragraphs for better cohesion. One way to achieve this is by using transitional phrases or sentences that link the ideas or paragraphs together coherently.
Coherence and cohesion
Pay attention to punctuation, especially in addressing the letter recipient ('Dear Sir or Madam') where a comma is needed. Similar attention to detail will improve overall writing cohesiveness.
Task achievement
Increase the range of vocabulary to make your application stand out more. While your letter is suitable, using a wider range of words and phrases related to restaurant work and your personal attributes could enhance the application's impact.
Task achievement
While you've mentioned your availability for the job clearly, elaborating on your specific skills, achievements, or highlights from your experience could strengthen your response to the task. Providing examples of how you have excelled in past roles or contributed to a team could make your application more compelling.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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