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Writing Samples
Band 5

Many parents choose to teach their children at home instead of sending them to school. Do you think the benefits of homeschooling outweigh its drawbacks?

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Introduction
In the present age, many
parents
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 prefer to instruct their
children
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 at
home
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 rather than send them to educational institutions.
This
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 action has a lot of disadvantages, but it has certain benefits too.
However
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, from my perspective, these advantages cannot overshadow the drawbacks.
Body · 1
There are three main disadvantages associated with
children
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 who study at
home
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 under their parent's supervision.
Firstly
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,
parents
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 aren'
t
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 experts in all lessons;
therefore
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, they can'
t
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 assist their
children
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 like a real teacher.
Secondly
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, homeschooled
children
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 can'
t
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 make friends easily, and they face a lot of problems when they want to communicate with their peers;
this
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lead
Correct subject-verb agreement
leads
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 to isolation and
cause
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causes
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 mental problems in the future.
Finally
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,
parents
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 cannot discipline
children
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 properly. Usually, students don'
t
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 pay attention to their
parents
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' advice and disobey them, but in schools, they have to listen to their tutors;
otherwise
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, they will be punished.
Body · 2
On the other hand
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, homeschooling has some major benefits.
For example
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, it's safe and economical.
Parents
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 don'
t
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 have to pay a lot of money for private schools or expensive institutions. It's the best way for families who are careful with money. What's more,
home
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 is a secure place for teens and prevents probable threats from outside.
For instance
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, at
home
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, no one bullies
children
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, and they can pay attention to their studies;
however
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. In my opinion,
children
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 aren'
t
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a
Correct article usage
apply
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prisoner
Fix the agreement mistake
prisoners
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;
therefore
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, they may be annoyed whether at school or outside the school.
Conclusion
To conclude
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,
also
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 homeschooling can have positive effects like money-saving and safety. It has an extremely negative effect on
children
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. Eventually, I believe that the drawbacks of homeschooling outweigh its benefits.

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task response
Provide more detailed examples and evidence to support your points.
coherence and cohesion
The logical structure of the essay is somewhat unclear. Try to organize your ideas in a more sequential and coherent manner.
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