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Band 5.5

In many countries people now wearing western clothes such as suits and jeans rathers than traditional clothing

#countries #people #clothes #suits #jeans #rathers
It is true, many
people
 believe in traditional values that often seem incompatible with the needs of younger
people
. Many
people
 now wear western
clothes
 but
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
some traditional
clothes
 are outdated, I reckon that others are still useful and should not be forgotten. From my point of view,
this
 has positive and negative sides. In my opinion, examples will be discussed in the following paragraphs. On the one hand, some conservative views and values are certainly applicable to the modern world.
For instance
, young children want to dress like famous
people
such
 as actors, singers and others too. It’s a generation now that
people
 want to be fashionable. In
2022
Change the article
the 2022
show examples
 year, the newspaper revealed that 85% of
people
 wore western
clothes
.
Likewise
Add a comma
,Likewise
show examples
 it shows that a lot of
people
 are walking around with trendy I think it’s leading to a positive
sides
Correct the article-noun agreement
side
show examples
.
On the other hand
, it is stylish to wear Western dresses.
First
 of all, many humans wear modern
clothes
.In many
countries
, students are required to wear uniforms because they are not prohibited from wearing uniforms but there are
countries
 that can not wear
fashion
Replace the word
fashionable
show examples
clothes
 poor like Laos, Nigeria, Cameroon and others. But perhaps the greatest disparity between the rich and poor
countries
 can be seen in their attitudes towards gender roles.
Young
Add an article
The young
show examples
 generation may feel that traditional clothing is not beautiful for them. For occurrence, In Scotland, the majority of men wear skirts but it’s funny how they do it. Other
countries
 may think
this
 leads to a negative side but for the rape of
Scotland
Add a comma
,Scotland
show examples
 it is apparel.
Finally
, I believe that young
people
 would lead happier lives if they had a more old-fashioned sense of community. In conclusion,
although
 the views of traditional garbs may sometimes seem unhelpful in today's world, we should not dismiss all conventional ideas as irrelevant.
Submitted by ina1_95 on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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