IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people believe that nowadays we have too many choices. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #choices
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Several folks contend that
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 in
this
Linking Words
 era
vary
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various
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 options are available. I either agree
nor
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or
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 disagree with
this
Linking Words
 idea. in
this
Linking Words
essay
Add a comma
,essay
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 I will elaborate
my
Change preposition
on my
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 own reasons. On the one hand, during the
last
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 century, there were several
and
Correct word choice
apply
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main milestones that revolutionized
human
Correct article usage
the human
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 lifestyle. Advances in technology
is
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are
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 providing factories
high-tech
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with high-tech
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machineries
Change the wording
machinery
types of machinery
pieces of machinery
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.
Also
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, according to convenient transportation raw materials is not the
producers
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producer's
producers'
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 concern anymore.
furthermore
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, due to globalization, multinational companies introduced new merchandise to many nations.
for example
Linking Words
, nowadays Nikes and Adidas production is available
in
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on
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 most
countries
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countries'
country's
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shelf
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shelves
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.
Therefore
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, unlike local
manufacture
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manufacturing
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that is
Linking Words
 shown cultural identity,
global
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the global
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 offering has increased
people
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people's
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option
Fix the agreement mistake
options
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 in different markets.
on the other hand
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, there are some special designers who dominate
the worlds preferences
Change to a genitive case
the preferences of the world
the world's preferences
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 by laying down their regulations and people from all around the world are forced to obey and consume these
productions
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products
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. If they don’t purchase and use these products,
the
Correct article usage
apply
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others may consider them
as
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apply
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a narrow-minded person. to illustrate, in
clothing
Correct article usage
the clothing
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 market, renowned fashion designers are introducing
the
Correct article usage
apply
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specific styles or
colour
Fix the agreement mistake
colours
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 each year.
For instance
Linking Words
,
hem-lines
Correct your spelling
hemlines
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 are taken down,
west-lines
Correct your spelling
west lines
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 are
taking
Wrong verb form
taken
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 in and
neck-lines
Correct your spelling
necklines
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 are lowered
this
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 year and the prevalent colour is purple.
Therefore
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, if people want to be up-to-date, they are supposed to choose the products
that
Linking Words
is
Change the verb form
are
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 in trend. to sum up,
although
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 introducing new materials increased
variety
Correct article usage
the variety
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 of
manufactures
Correct your spelling
manufacturers
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, choosing the products which are trend are more predictable.
Submitted by eli.bakhshi on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • overwhelmed
  • decision fatigue
  • paralysis by analysis
  • consumerism
  • globalization
  • personal autonomy
  • market saturation
  • option overload
  • decision-making process
  • psychological well-being
  • buyer's remorse
  • customization
  • trade-offs
  • minimalism
  • information superhighway
What to do next:
Look at other essays: