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Band 5

Many manufactured food and drink produts contain haigh levels of sugar, which causes many health problems. sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree?

#food #drink #produts #haigh #levels #sugar #health #products #people
In recent years, a vast number of
foods
 and drinks have high levels of
sugar
 and
also
consume
Replace the word
consumption
show examples
 of sugary
foods
 increased rapidly among
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
people
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
this
 matter causes many health problems. Some individuals believe that the cost of sweet products should be more expensive to encourage
public
Add an article
the public
show examples
 to consume less
sugar
. I
stongly
Correct your spelling
strongly
diagree
Correct your spelling
disagree
 with
this
 view because
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
 should raise public awareness about of adverse effects of
sugar
 on health and people should choose freely to not take sugary food. It is my view that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 people spend more money to purchase sugary
foods
 or drinks because they can addicted to
sugar
.
For instance
, governments enforced law to increase
price
Add an article
the price
show examples
 of
sigaretts
Correct your spelling
cigarettes
 in order to decrease
amount
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the amount
show examples
 of community who smokes.
Consequently
, the number of smokers remained constant and never fall. I believe government can help to
community
Add an article
the community
show examples
 to decrease
consume
Replace the word
consumption
show examples
 of
sugar
 by broader
pubblic
Correct your spelling
public
 education about
benefits
Correct article usage
the benefits
show examples
 of avoiding sugary products. In
contarst
Correct your spelling
contrast
, some individuals claim that increasing
cost
Correct article usage
the cost
show examples
 of sugary
foods
 or snacks can lead to
fall
Replace the word
falling
show examples
 consumers. Though, seems it is a small amount.
Therefore
, can influence on
community
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the community
show examples
. They firmly
insisit
Correct your spelling
insist
 that
childern
Correct your spelling
children
 have
a limited budgets
Correct the article-noun agreement
a limited budget
limited budgets
show examples
.
Thus
, they find
difficult
Correct pronoun usage
it difficult
show examples
 to buy sweet snacks.
However
, I do not find
convincing
Correct pronoun usage
it convincing
show examples
 as parents can impose strict rules for their kids to
limiting
Wrong verb form
limit
show examples
consumer
Replace the word
consumption
show examples
 of sweets. In conclusion, I completely disagree with increasing
prices
Correct article usage
the prices
show examples
 of sugary products due to it is not
good
Add an article
a good
the good
show examples
 strategy of resolve
sugar
overconsumation
Correct your spelling
overconsumption
over-consumption
 and I believe government
sould
Correct your spelling
should
would
could
 promote awareness
of
Change preposition
among
show examples
pepole
Correct your spelling
people
 to decrease
sugar
consumation
Correct your spelling
consumption
consummation
.
Submitted by melika.verdi on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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