IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

These days,a considerable amount of advertising is directed at children.Should it be banned because of the adverse effect?To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#amount #children #effect
In today's perpetually transforming epoch , advertising has been increasing by leaps and bounds.As a consequence , it opined by a few people that nowadays , a massive amount of advertising is directed at an offspring and because of the detrimental effect , it should be banned.I agree with the above notion and , I have given my reasons along with suitable justifications. To commence with the agreement side
first
 and foremost is , by means of some junk food advertising
children
 have become couch potatoes.To be clear , nowadays a majority of food
advertisements
 have been seen on television.
Thus
,
children
 have been enticed for buying and eating
this
 food.They are demanding
this
 diet and it would have an adverse effect on their health.
For instance
 , due to
advertisements
 for packed pizzas and sandwiches,
children
 have become victims of many diseases
such
 as obesity and diabetes.
Additionally
, owing to violent
advertisements
,
children
 have become addicted to child- crime.
Similarly
 , in
advertisements
, many people are doing fight , pickpocketing and chain-snatching.By watching
this
 announcement ,
children
 are leading
this
 crime.
As a result
 , they start bullying and rude and aggressive behaviour with parents so it should be banned. Taking into account the disagreement side , some announcement has great effects on offspring.What is more , nowadays increasing number of education
advertisements
,
children
 have become aware of new education courses and policies.
For example
 , owing to Byju's application many
children
 are getting not only new knowledge but
also
 new method.So , they can learn new topics from
advertisements
. To conclude ,
although
 advertisement has detrimental effects
such
 as
children
 have become
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
couch
potato
Fix the agreement mistake
potatoes
show examples
 and addicted to bad things , it is beneficial for studying.
Submitted by vaisuprajapati1997 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: