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Band 5.5

Some people believe that childhood is the best stage of happiness. While others believe that a person can enjoy more happiness in other stages of life. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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In
this
Linking Words
 contemporary
world
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, the best
stage
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 of
happiness
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is experience
Change the verb form
is experienced
is experiencing
show examples
 during
childhood
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.
Meanwhile
Add a comma
,Meanwhile
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 others believe that an individual can enjoy more
happiness
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 in other stages of
life
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. In my opinion, I believe that a
person
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 can enjoy
happiness
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 regardless of what
stage
Use synonyms
. It depends on
the
Correct article usage
apply
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how the
person
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 defines his
happiness
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. It is widely believed that the best
stage
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 of
happiness
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 is happening during
childhood
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.
This
Linking Words
 is because
during
Add the comma(s)
,during
show examples
childhood
Use synonyms
, the minds of the young ones are not contaminated with physical and complicated things. A weekend holiday with family can hold precious memories that they can look back
someday
Change preposition
on someday
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 as happy thoughts.
For instance
Linking Words
, young professionals nowadays would long for the days when their lives are not complicated, where they do not have a care in the
world
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 about money, finances and how to survive in
this
Linking Words
 cruel
world
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 and just be happy. On the one side,
happiness
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 is not confined only
during
Change preposition
to
show examples
childhood
Use synonyms
. No one can deny that in other stages of
life
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, individuals can be more fulfilled and satisfied after achieving their ambitions or goals in
life
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. An optimal example of
this
Linking Words
 can be, as a child, a
person
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dreamt
Correct pronoun usage
who dreamt
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 of being a
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world renowned
Add a hyphen
world-renowned
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 doctor. After completing his university degree and enduring
sleepness
Correct your spelling
sleepless
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 nights of being an intern, he
then
Linking Words
 graduated with
honors
Change the spelling
honours
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 and
thus
Linking Words
achieving
Wrong verb form
achieved
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 his
Use synonyms
life long
Correct your spelling
lifelong
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 dream.
This
Linking Words
 can be his happiest
stage
Use synonyms
 in
life
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. In conclusion,
happiness
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 is defined by a
person
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's point of view.
This
Linking Words
 can be enjoyed during
childhood
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 or a later
stage
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 of
life
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. What is important is being happy even once in your
life
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.

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Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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