Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

#people #music #cultures #ages

Some

people

believe that

music

helps in terms of breaking the boundaries among

people

from different countries and ages. I completely agree with

this

opinion. I

also

believe

music

brings back the young and the older generation together.

Firstly

, as we know,

music

is a universal

language

that can be listened to by

people

from all over the world that does not require to have the capability to understand the

language

. The important aspect of the

music

is the arrangement.

For instance

, the

music

trend of

Korean

music

(K-POP) is skyrocketing. Everybody listens to

this

genre and does need to care about the

Korean

language

. In fact, based on the WW

Music

magazine in 2019, 70% of the world population recorded had been watching

Korean

music

videos on social media platforms

such

as Youtube. Mostly they were from nonspeaking

Korean

countries

such

as Indonesia, America, the United Kingdom, and India.

Secondly

music

does not recognize age which means

music

can be listened

Change preposition

to by

show examples

entire generations. Many songs that had been created before are everlasting. From youth until senior citizens are able to enjoy the songs.

For example

, one of the eternal band groups from Sweden, ABBA, has created a bunch of eternal songs that are still famous nowadays

such

as Mamma Mia, Fernando, and SOS. When they conducted a concert in 2018, the proportion of the audience

were

Correct subject-verb agreement

was

show examples

50 %

Change preposition

apply

show examples

people

born before the 80s and 50 % after the 90s. In conclusion,

music

is completely a great way to unify

people

from different countries and generations.

People

tend to enjoy the song based on the melody, not the

language

Also

music

connects

people

of whole ages.

Submitted by ru.kabiru.biru on Mon Jan 23 2023

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7Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

278 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 9.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

universal language
evoke
connect
diverse audiences
cultural exchange
generational gaps
shared experiences
unifying force

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