Nowadays some older people choose to live in the retirement communities with other people, rather than living with their adult children. Is it a positive or negative development

#people #retirement #communities #adult #children #development

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It is quite common for people to live in a nursing home after retiring, some think it is negative.

However

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, I argue that it will keep them in mental health and relieve their children's burden. On the one hand, seniors live in retirement which will improve their mental health. Because there are many people in nursing homes,

Correct word choice

apply

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they can communicate and socialize with their friends and are less likely to feel lonely.

Therefore

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, it will help them maintain psychological well-being.

By contrast

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, the elderly who live lonely tend to isolate themselves which could cause mental diseases.

For example

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, the published reports by UBC show that those who had psychological diseases mostly stayed by themselves, and

this

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proved that staying in long-term centres is the best way to maintain them in a good mood.

On the other hand

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, elderly people who are living in long-term care centres are less likely to rely on their children's responsibility.

Because

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apply

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In retirement they are cared for by professionals, so in general, their offspring just need to visit them on weekends only, which will remain enough time for their work or their families.

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While others

Correct word choice

Others

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who are living on their own may need their children to be concerned for them daily which means it will disrupt their kids'

life

Fix the agreement mistake

lives

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significantly.

For instance

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, most Canadian seniors

lived

Wrong verb form

live

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in nursing homes and don't

count

Verb problem

care

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about their kids. In conclusion,

although

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someone

Correct your spelling

some

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contends that seniors are better

to live

Change preposition

off living

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in their home, staying in long-term care centres is a good solution which helps them stay healthy and avoid bothering their offspring.

Submitted by jinyuming896 on Tue Jan 24 2023

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task response

Provide a clearer stance on whether the development is positive or negative

coherence and cohesion

Add more cohesive devices and linkers to improve the overall coherence and cohesion

9
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

263 words

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Nowadays some older people choose to live in the retirement communities with other people, rather than living with their adult children. Is it a positive or negative development

Some people claim that public transport should be free of charge, while others disagree. Do the advantages of free public transport outweigh the disadvantages?

Some employers believe that job applicants’ social skills are more important than their academic qualifications. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Some people think that success in life comes from hard work and determination, while others think that there are more important factors such as money and appearance. Discuss both view and give your opinion

The restoration of old buildings in major cities around the world costs enormous amounts of money. This money would be better spent on providing new housing and road development. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

As computers translate quickly and accurately, learning foreign languages is a waste of time To what extent do you agree or disagree?