Nowadays some older people choose to live in the retirement communities with other people, rather than living with their adult children. Is it a positive or negative development

#people #retirement #communities #adult #children #development

It is quite common for people to live in a nursing home after retiring, some think it is negative.

However

, I argue that it will keep them in mental health and relieve their children's burden. On the one hand, seniors live in retirement which will improve their mental health. Because there are many people in nursing homes,

Correct word choice

apply

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they can communicate and socialize with their friends and are less likely to feel lonely.

Therefore

, it will help them maintain psychological well-being.

By contrast

, the elderly who live lonely tend to isolate themselves which could cause mental diseases.

For example

, the published reports by UBC show that those who had psychological diseases mostly stayed by themselves, and

this

proved that staying in long-term centres is the best way to maintain them in a good mood.

On the other hand

, elderly people who are living in long-term care centres are less likely to rely on their children's responsibility.

Because

Correct word choice

apply

show examples

In retirement they are cared for by professionals, so in general, their offspring just need to visit them on weekends only, which will remain enough time for their work or their families.

While others

Correct word choice

Others

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who are living on their own may need their children to be concerned for them daily which means it will disrupt their kids'

life

Fix the agreement mistake

lives

show examples

significantly.

For instance

, most Canadian seniors

lived

Wrong verb form

live

show examples

in nursing homes and don't

count

Verb problem

care

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about their kids. In conclusion,

although

someone

Correct your spelling

some

show examples

contends that seniors are better

to live

Change preposition

off living

show examples

in their home, staying in long-term care centres is a good solution which helps them stay healthy and avoid bothering their offspring.

Submitted by jinyuming896 on Tue Jan 24 2023

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task response

Provide a clearer stance on whether the development is positive or negative

coherence and cohesion

Add more cohesive devices and linkers to improve the overall coherence and cohesion

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9Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

263 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Nowadays some older people choose to live in the retirement communities with other people, rather than living with their adult children. Is it a positive or negative development

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Some people argue that young people are unfit for holding significant positions in the government, while others maintain that it is beneficial for them to occupy such roles. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

The most important consideration while selecting a job or career has a high income. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

In many countries, children are engaged in some kind of paid work. Some people regard this as completely wrong, while others consider it as valuable work experience. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Some people say that the main environmental problem of our time is the loss of particular species of plants and animals. Others say that there are more important environmental problems. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.