Nowadays some older people choose to live in the retirement communities with other people, rather than living with their adult children. Is it a positive or negative development

#people #retirement #communities #adult #children #development

It is quite common for people to live in a nursing home after retiring, some think it is negative.

However

, I argue that it will keep them in mental health and relieve their children's burden. On the one hand, seniors live in retirement which will improve their mental health. Because there are many people in nursing homes,

Correct word choice

apply

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they can communicate and socialize with their friends and are less likely to feel lonely.

Therefore

, it will help them maintain psychological well-being.

By contrast

, the elderly who live lonely tend to isolate themselves which could cause mental diseases.

For example

, the published reports by UBC show that those who had psychological diseases mostly stayed by themselves, and

this

proved that staying in long-term centres is the best way to maintain them in a good mood.

On the other hand

, elderly people who are living in long-term care centres are less likely to rely on their children's responsibility.

Because

Correct word choice

apply

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In retirement they are cared for by professionals, so in general, their offspring just need to visit them on weekends only, which will remain enough time for their work or their families.

While others

Correct word choice

Others

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who are living on their own may need their children to be concerned for them daily which means it will disrupt their kids'

life

Fix the agreement mistake

lives

show examples

significantly.

For instance

, most Canadian seniors

lived

Wrong verb form

live

show examples

in nursing homes and don't

count

Verb problem

care

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about their kids. In conclusion,

although

someone

Correct your spelling

some

show examples

contends that seniors are better

to live

Change preposition

off living

show examples

in their home, staying in long-term care centres is a good solution which helps them stay healthy and avoid bothering their offspring.

Submitted by jinyuming896 on Tue Jan 24 2023

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task response

Provide a clearer stance on whether the development is positive or negative

coherence and cohesion

Add more cohesive devices and linkers to improve the overall coherence and cohesion

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9Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

263 words

4.50

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Nowadays some older people choose to live in the retirement communities with other people, rather than living with their adult children. Is it a positive or negative development

Research indicates that the characteristics we are born with have much more influence on our personality and development than any experiences we may have in our life. Which do you consider to be the major influence?

Employers should give longer holidays to employees to encourage them to work harder. Do you agree?

Fast food has been adopted by almost all developed countries to date and has become a popular meal option. Health experts worry this could be a problem, while other believe this is a positive trend. How do you feel about this issue? Write at least 250 words.

Everyone should become vegetarian because they do not need to eat meat for a healthy diet. Agree or disagree?

Some people think that economic progress is the only way to measure a country’s success, while others think that there are other factors which can be used to measure a country’s success. What are these factors? Which, of all factors, do you think are most important?