IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

In some countries an increasing number of people are suffering from healthy problems as a result of eating too much fast food. It is therefore necessary for governments to impose a higher tax on this kind of food.
To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#countries #people #food #governments #tax
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There is no doubt that these days the number of
people
Use synonyms
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
suffering from health problems
in
Correct your spelling
is
show examples
 significantly
increase
Wrong verb form
increased
show examples
 due to the spreading outlets of fast
food
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 paper will investigate
is
Correct word choice
whether is
show examples
 it important for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
governments to impose a higher
tax
Use synonyms
 on
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
restaurants of junk
food
Use synonyms
 to reduce consumption. Eventually, I will argue if
Correct article usage
an increas
show examples
increas
Correct your spelling
increase
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 taxes on
this
Linking Words
 kind of
food
Use synonyms
 is a good procedure or not and draw my own conclusion. In terms of some views, some
people
Use synonyms
 believe that the governments should
be impose
Change the verb form
impose
show examples
 a higher
tax
Use synonyms
 on fast
food
Use synonyms
. The main reason
giving
Wrong verb form
given
show examples
 to support
this
Linking Words
 claim is that lower prices of fast
food
Use synonyms
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 a basic problem
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
 raising the ratio of consumption. To illustrate, the figure of
people
Use synonyms
 who prefer fast
food
Use synonyms
 has increased which
results
Add the preposition
inresults
fromresults
show examples
 capacity buying.
In other words
Linking Words
, increasing
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
daily consumption
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
mean
Correct subject-verb agreement
means
show examples
 more
healthy
Replace the word
health
show examples
 problems in the future
such
Linking Words
 as obesity.
Hence
Linking Words
, more diseases and unhealthy communities.
However
Linking Words
, others strongly believe that there are better solutions rather than
impose
Wrong verb form
imposing
show examples
higher
Add an article
the higher
a higher
show examples
Use synonyms
tax
Fix the agreement mistake
taxes
show examples
.
Firstly
Linking Words
, governments should adopt subsidies for restaurants which make healthy
food
Use synonyms
.
In other words
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 avoid buying healthy
food
Use synonyms
 because
its
Replace the word
it's
it is
show examples
 very expensive.
Hence
Linking Words
, giving subsidies to
this
Linking Words
 kind of healthy
food
Use synonyms
 will
contributes
Change the verb form
contribute
show examples
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
 strong
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
purchasing.
Secondly
Linking Words
, the individual must be aware towards
negative
Correct article usage
the negative
show examples
 consequences of eating fast
food
Use synonyms
.
The
Correct your spelling
This
show examples
 is because there is a segment of
people
Use synonyms
Correct pronoun usage
who do
show examples
do
Change the verb form
does
show examples
 not
realized
Change the verb form
realize
show examples
 the
dangerous
Replace the word
danger
show examples
 of
healthy
Replace the word
health
show examples
 problems.
Also
Linking Words
,
culture
Add an article
the culture
a culture
show examples
 of healthy style whether in eating or habits is a crucial factor to extend human age. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
 it is important
the
Change preposition
for the
show examples
 government
impose
Fix the infinitive
to impose
show examples
 a higher
tax
Use synonyms
 on fast
food
Use synonyms
, there should be awareness to avoid eating
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
fast
food
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by Sara83383 on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • health problems
  • fast food consumption
  • higher taxes
  • discourage
  • additional tax revenue
  • healthcare initiatives
  • personal responsibility
  • public education
  • dangers of fast food
  • rising obesity rates
What to do next:
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