IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 3.5

Some people believe that reading stories form a book is better than watching tv or playing computer games for children to what extent do you agree or disagree.

#people #stories #form #book #tv #computer #games #children
There is
belief
Correct article usage
a belief
show examples
 in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society that reading
story
Correct your spelling
storybooks
show examples
books
 is better than watching tv or playing computer
games
 for children. I believe there are two coincides. There are health benefits
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
 spending more time with
books
 than LED
screens
.
For instance
,
screens
 of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
television
 and computers
bad
Add a missing verb
are bad
show examples
 for kids' eyes.
On the other hand
,
books
 are stimulated child's
imaginary
Replace the word
imagination
show examples
 skills.
Furthermore
, computer
games
 and
television
 programs are made
children
Change preposition
for children
show examples
 to addiction them.
That
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
directly
influence
Correct subject-verb agreement
influences
show examples
to
Change preposition
by
show examples
 their mental health and brain development. Some little ones keep eating
while
look
Change the form of the verb
looking
show examples
 at
screens
. That
make
Change the verb form
makes
show examples
 their weight gain.
Also
Add a comma
,Also
show examples
 it is
major
Correct article usage
a major
show examples
 health issue
between
Change preposition
among
show examples
 children nowadays.
Finally
, I suppose reading
books
 are healthy than watching
at
Change preposition
apply
show examples
screens
.
In addition
 to
above
Correct article usage
the above
show examples
, there are some video
games
 that are not good for kids. Most of them
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
spread violence and
also
 there are inappropriate visuals. When kids are playing
on screen
Add a hyphen
on-screen
show examples
games
, parents should keep
attention
Correct pronoun usage
their attention
show examples
on
Change preposition
to
show examples
 them thoroughly.
As well as
 video
games
, there are
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
same
Correct your spelling
some
show examples
 issues in
television
 programs.
Along with
 the time, when
child
Add an article
a child
the child
show examples
 keeps
habit
Correct article usage
the habit
show examples
to
Change preposition
of
show examples
 watching cartoons and movies on
screens
. It's very hard to stop it.
Then
 they become very aggressive and they could not control their anger.
According to
above
Correct article usage
the above
show examples
 facts, there are more physical, mental and social impacts from screen addiction. In the summary, I believe reading
books
 are more healthy than
keep
Change the verb form
keeping
show examples
eyes
Fix the agreement mistake
eye
show examples
 on
television
Correct article usage
the television
show examples
, computer or any other screen.
Submitted by thashik3 on

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Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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