IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Some people think governments should take measures to improve the health of its citizens. Others think it must be managed by individuals. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

#people #governments #measures #health #citizens #individuals
It is clear that
,
Remove the comma
apply
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Health
 is one of the main concerns of everyone in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society.
Therefore
 some individuals think
that is
 the
goverment's
Correct your spelling
government's
resposibility
Correct your spelling
responsibility
 to track the
level
 of
health
 of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society.
On the other
hand
Add a comma
,hand
show examples
 some
people
 argue that it should be done by the
people
 themselves. In
this
essay
Add a comma
,essay
show examples
 I will discuss both sides and put some evidence to make them more clear. Nowadays modern governments take care of many things in
country
Add an article
a country
the country
show examples
such
 as primary education and
economy
Correct article usage
the economy
show examples
.
Hence
 some
people
 believe that measuring
individuals
Change noun form
individuals'
individual's
show examples
health
level
Fix the agreement mistake
levels
show examples
 should add to them. And
this
 can
leads
Wrong verb form
lead
show examples
 to the
government
, reducing the total cost that
people
 spend for curing their
deseases
Correct your spelling
diseases
.
Consequently
, The economy of the whole country will become richer.
For instance
, The UK
government
 has built the NHS healthcare system
which
Correct word choice
and
show examples
 all the services
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
that
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
free.
As a
result
Add a comma
,result
show examples
 the Uk economy has
bacame
Correct your spelling
become
became
 one of the
most rich
Change the adjective
richest
show examples
 economies since
then
.
On the other hand
, Some
people
 argue that if
people
mange
Correct your spelling
manage
show examples
 that by themselves, it will be better for them and they can improve their
health
level
 more than before.
Moreover
,
people
 will only go to
doctor
Add an article
the doctor
a doctor
show examples
 if they are extremely sick.
As a result
, The
level
 of using antibiotics will decline in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society and that will bring us
long term
Add a hyphen
long-term
show examples
 benefits.
For example
, The US
government
 has defined the healthcare system as an industry and
this
 way
people
 first estimate the cost of any
services
Fix the agreement mistake
service
show examples
 and
the
Correct your spelling
then
show examples
 will go for it.
Consequently
,
The
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
US citizens are not immune to antibiotics in comparison to the rest of the world and that's the best point of
this
deccison
Correct your spelling
decision
 which was made by the
government
 before. In
coclusion
Correct your spelling
conclusion
,
However
Add a comma
,However
show examples
puting
Correct your spelling
putting
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
healthccare
Correct your spelling
healthcare
measurements
Replace the word
measures
show examples
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
Correct article usage
the goverment's
show examples
goverment's
Correct your spelling
government's
 shoulders can have some benefits and be a relief to the citizens. But, If the
people
 manage it all by themselves, It will finish to a good point with several benefits.
Submitted by Aryanafraz1997 on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

You are not ready for IELTS Speaking, if you

  • Can’t speak smoothly without pauses.
  • Use simple words and lack vocabulary.
  • Feel nervous and anxious when speaking.
What to do next:
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