Some people think governments should take measures to improve the health of its citizens. Others think it must be managed by individuals. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

It is clear that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
Health
is one of the main concerns of everyone in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society.
Therefore
some individuals think
that is
the
goverment's
Correct your spelling
government's
resposibility
Correct your spelling
responsibility
to track the
level
of
health
of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society.
On the other
hand
Add a comma
,hand
show examples
some
people
argue that it should be done by the
people
themselves. In
this
essay
Add a comma
,essay
show examples
I will discuss both sides and put some evidence to make them more clear. Nowadays modern governments take care of many things in
country
Add an article
a country
the country
show examples
such
as primary education and
economy
Correct article usage
the economy
show examples
.
Hence
some
people
believe that measuring
individuals
Change noun form
individuals'
individual's
show examples
health
level
Fix the agreement mistake
levels
show examples
should add to them. And
this
can
leads
Wrong verb form
lead
show examples
to the
government
, reducing the total cost that
people
spend for curing their
deseases
Correct your spelling
diseases
.
Consequently
, The economy of the whole country will become richer.
For instance
, The UK
government
has built the NHS healthcare system
which
Correct word choice
and
show examples
all the services
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
that
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
free.
As a
result
Add a comma
,result
show examples
the Uk economy has
bacame
Correct your spelling
become
became
one of the
most rich
Change the adjective
richest
show examples
economies since
then
.
On the other hand
, Some
people
argue that if
people
mange
Correct your spelling
manage
show examples
that by themselves, it will be better for them and they can improve their
health
level
more than before.
Moreover
,
people
will only go to
doctor
Add an article
the doctor
a doctor
show examples
if they are extremely sick.
As a result
, The
level
of using antibiotics will decline in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society and that will bring us
long term
Add a hyphen
long-term
show examples
benefits.
For example
, The US
government
has defined the healthcare system as an industry and
this
way
people
first estimate the cost of any
services
Fix the agreement mistake
service
show examples
and
the
Correct your spelling
then
show examples
will go for it.
Consequently
,
The
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
US citizens are not immune to antibiotics in comparison to the rest of the world and that's the best point of
this
deccison
Correct your spelling
decision
which was made by the
government
before. In
coclusion
Correct your spelling
conclusion
,
However
Add a comma
,However
show examples
puting
Correct your spelling
putting
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
healthccare
Correct your spelling
healthcare
measurements
Replace the word
measures
show examples
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
Correct article usage
the goverment's
show examples
goverment's
Correct your spelling
government's
shoulders can have some benefits and be a relief to the citizens. But, If the
people
manage it all by themselves, It will finish to a good point with several benefits.
Submitted by Aryanafraz1997 on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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