IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Do you think that parents should be punished if their five-year-old child commits a crime? From what age should children be held responsible for their own behaviours?

#parents #child #crime #age #children #behaviours
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some argue that if
victim
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the victim
show examples
 is a child who is five
years
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 old,
they
Correct your spelling
the
show examples
parents
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 ought to fine
instead
Linking Words
 of their
offsprings
Fix the agreement mistake
offspring
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. I agree with
this
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 trend and I hold the view that
children
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those
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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who are under 15
years
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 old had better not punish for their crime and their
parents
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 have
responsibilites
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responsibilities
about
Change preposition
for
show examples
 their crimes. on the one hand, five
years
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 old
children
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 are too young without any
experiences
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experience
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 and
underestanding
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understanding
 of what acts or behaviours can be right or wrong. it is the duty of
parents
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 to teach them about
unappropriate
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inappropriate
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, deleterious, and antisocial
treats
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threats
show examples
 and they should supervise the acts of their young
children
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 as they are not predictable and their
fail
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failure
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 to
concieve
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conceive
 damaging situations and encourage them to perform
positive
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the positive
a positive
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 activity and rectify their mistakes .
therefore
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, if these
children
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 commit a crime their
parents
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 have obligation to be responder
instead
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 of their young girls and boys. on the other have,
chidren
Correct your spelling
children
 under 15 are still raw and vulnerable, they have certain experiences, yet
these
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this
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 little amount of information
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
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 not sufficient and they require their
parents
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 still contribute to doing some of their personal chores,
whereas
Linking Words
 they imagine have enough expertise and dexterity to step in real life independently and they may
fulfill
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fulfil
show examples
 some activities through their peer and other people pressures. above mentioned
years
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children
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,
however
Linking Words
, possess sufficient skills and information about their countries law as they learn many instructive data at schools and they are more familiar with society.
thus
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, they are responsible
with
Change preposition
for
show examples
 their own acts.
to sum up
Linking Words
, young
childrens'
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children's
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parents
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 have to control their
children
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 and avoid them
commiting
Correct your spelling
committing
 crimes as they are assailable with insufficient knowledge and proficiency and they
more
Add a missing verb
are more
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 likely to
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be impressed
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impressed
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impress
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 by other adults and
childrens
Correct your spelling
children
.
in contrast
Linking Words
, elder
children
Use synonyms
 know the crimes and their outcomes.
Submitted by ehsansoltanica on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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