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Band 4.5

Nowadays parents put too much pressure on their children to succeed. What is the reason for doing this? Is it a negative or positive development? Give your explanation using some relevant examples from your experience.

#parents #pressure #children #reason #development #explanation
In today's perceptually transforming epoch , getting success plays a part and parcel role in any individual's
life
.
As a consequence
 , it opined a few present, guardians put higher pressure on their offspring to succeed. I have given a few reasons
along with
 suitable justifications for
this
 trend for the impending subdivisions.And ,
also
 I believe
this
 is a negative development. Commencing with the reasons , first and foremost , scion lacks enough knowledge.
Additionally
 ,
parents
 are the storekeeper of the experiences.To be clear , in childhood , scions are not aware of right and wrong and the
parents
 can easily recognize the ability of their offspring .
Thus
, they want the best career that can be adopted by their heir .
As a result
 , they can get more achievements in their
life
. On account of the reasons for the negative development of
this
 trend , some scion cannot pursue their favourable dream ,
due to
parents
' pressure to succeed.
Furthermore
 , if one has to doctor, he/she wants
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
him
Correct pronoun usage
his
show examples
/her offspring
opt
Fix the infinitive
to opt
show examples
 for the same realm .
In contrast
 , scion
has
Verb problem
is
show examples
 interested
to become
Change preposition
in becoming
show examples
 either an engineer or a teacher.
As a result
 , he /she feels frustrated and bored studying science subjects .
Hence
 , proper attention cannot be given by the
heir '
Change noun form
heir
show examples
due to
 a lack of interest.
Moreover
 , sometimes offspring have become addicted to crime ,
due to
 anxiety and the dilemma of
life
.
To conclude
 , owing to a lack of enough information about accomplishments in
life
 ,
parents
 put pressure on their offspring but it has a detrimental effect on children they cannot opt for their interesting field.
Submitted by vaisuprajapati1997 on

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coherence cohesion
The essay displays some organization and structure but lacks consistency and coherence in the development of ideas. The introduction and conclusion are present but need improvement for clarity.
task achievement
The essay partially addresses the task prompt but lacks thorough development of ideas. The examples provided are somewhat relevant but could be better connected to the overall argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • prosperous future
  • highly competitive
  • extracurricular activities
  • social comparison
  • compelled
  • societal judgement
  • instill discipline
  • work ethic
  • responsibility
  • anxiety
  • diminished self-esteem
  • loss of interest
  • alienated
  • strained relationships
  • rebel
  • burnout
  • hinder
  • well-being
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