IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 3

University students should pay all the costs associated with their education because having a degree benefits them individually more than society as a whole. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#university #students #costs #education #society
It is thought that the benefits of having a college degree to an individual
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
far
outweight
Correct your spelling
outweigh
outweighed
to
Correct pronoun usage
those to
show examples
 the whole
society
, some
people
Add the comma(s)
, therefore,
show examples
therefore
 advocate that students should pay all their education costs, rather than paying partially. Personally, I entirely disagree with
this
 statement because I tend to believe the whole human
society
 can
be
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
benefit from more graduates. One evident benefit to
society
 is having more
people
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
show examples
contribute their abilities to establish the country’s infrastructure,
such
 as social security, education, and public transportation, leading to a better life condition for every citizen.
In other words
, those well-educated
people
 can do more complicated occupations, and they are more likely to become a
professinal
Correct your spelling
professional
teacher
Fix the agreement mistake
teachers
show examples
, a doctor, an architecture
designer
Fix the agreement mistake
designers
show examples
 or
engineer
Fix the agreement mistake
engineers
show examples
. Ultimately, they can help the whole nation to go to
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 higher level, making more
people
have
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
a higher quality of life.
Therefore
, if a
society
 can be greater when it has more professional labours, the government should encourage more teenagers to go to university, rather than increasing more burden on them, resulting in
less
Correct quantifier usage
fewer
show examples
 young
people
choose
Wrong verb form
choosing
show examples
 to apply to
unniversity
Correct your spelling
university
 and eventually making less high-quality work labours to do complicated jobs. In conclusion, I think university students should not take all the cost burdens
due to
 their capabilities can bring bigger positive effects to the whole
society
.
Submitted by vicky62478 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: