IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people think that the best way to reduce crime is to give longer prison sentences. Others, however, believe there are better alternative ways of reducing crime. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

To diminish
Fix the infinitive
Diminish
show examples
 the number of crimes, some
people
Use synonyms
 believe that lengthening the
punishment
Use synonyms
 will be the best solution.
However
Linking Words
,
although
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 approach is impactful for a
crime
Use synonyms
, other ways may be more effective to eradicate rampant crimes. Given
this
Linking Words
 situation, another way
such
Linking Words
 as social
punishment
Use synonyms
 should have been enacted to decrease the number of crimes. To commence
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
, there are positive and negative consequences
by
Change preposition
of
show examples
 enacting
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
extended
punishment
Use synonyms
 for
prisoners
Use synonyms
.
Firstly
Linking Words
, In terms of
positive
Add an article
the positive
show examples
 side, the criminal will have
less
Change the quantifier
fewer
show examples
 possibilities for doing a
crime
Use synonyms
. If the
prisoners
Use synonyms
 are burdened by
longer
Correct article usage
a longer
show examples
 duration of
penalty
Add an article
the penalty
show examples
, they may
spent
Change the verb form
spend
show examples
 much of their life in cells.
Then
Linking Words
, these
people
Use synonyms
 might be freed when they are old and there is no time for them to recommit
crime
Use synonyms
 again.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
, the negative side is that jails will probably not be able to accommodate these
crime
Use synonyms
 actors at the same time. If they are jailed for a long time, it will disturb jail
regulation
Fix the agreement mistake
regulations
show examples
 which can impact the jail being full and there will be
not
Correct your spelling
no
show examples
 available cells for new
prisoners
Use synonyms
. Another alternative
such
Linking Words
 as
social
Correct article usage
a social
show examples
 penalty might give
more
Correct article usage
a more
show examples
 significant effect. Unlike giving longer sentences
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
prisoners
Use synonyms
, social
punishment
Use synonyms
 can give a deterrent effect.
For example
Linking Words
, after
people
Use synonyms
 who commit a
crime
Use synonyms
being
Wrong verb form
are
show examples
 freed, their surroundings will give
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
social pressure
Linking Words
then
Correct word choice
and then
show examples
 make them feel guilty.
Consequently
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 way can give a traumatic effect
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
 doing
crime
Use synonyms
 and effectively reduce the risk of
crime
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 method cannot always work because it depends on
their
Change the word
the
show examples
environment
Use synonyms
. If the
environment
Use synonyms
 is good, the social
punishment
Use synonyms
 will be enforced, but when the
environment
Use synonyms
 is full of
apatise
Correct your spelling
apatite
people
Use synonyms
, it might not work
As a result
Linking Words
, an added penalty can decrease
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
crime
Use synonyms
 but there is another way
that is
Linking Words
 more effective
such
Linking Words
 as
punishment
Use synonyms
 by the
Use synonyms
environment
Replace the word
environmental
show examples
 of
criminal
Fix the agreement mistake
criminals
show examples
. Given
this
Linking Words
 situation, the government should support social
social
Remove the redundancy
apply
show examples
punishment
Use synonyms
 by showing
Use synonyms
prisoners'
Change noun form
prisoners
show examples
 guilty in public and
make
Wrong verb form
making
show examples
 them
regret
Correct pronoun usage
itregret
show examples
.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • deterrent
  • incapacitating
  • rehabilitation
  • recidivism
  • underlying issues
  • desperation
  • community service
  • mental health support
  • reintegration
  • prevention
  • offenders
  • punitive measures
  • support systems
What to do next:
Look at other essays: