Some people believe that children that commit crimes should be punished. Others think the parents should be punished instead. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Nowadays, most
people
Use synonyms
think that
children
Use synonyms
should be punished when they commit crimes,
while
Linking Words
others believe
parents
Use synonyms
should be punished rather than their kids. In
this
Linking Words
essay, I will discuss both sides and will favour the latter view. On the one hand,
people
Use synonyms
suggest that offspring should be punished
due to
Linking Words
their bad behaviours. In
this
Linking Words
way, they don’t repeat their negative actions.
For instance
Linking Words
, when a child commits a crime
such
Linking Words
as fighting with peers,
parents
Use synonyms
can give punishment to their kid, including a restriction on video games and meeting with peers. When
children
Use synonyms
get these types of penalties, they can understand that their behaviour was wrong, resulting in
them
Change the pronoun
their
show examples
tendency to leave these acts behind them.
Also
Linking Words
, little ones can learn their every negative action has some consequences.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, some
people
Use synonyms
believe that
parents
Use synonyms
should get penalties
due to
Linking Words
being role models for their kids. The
children
Use synonyms
spend most of their time with their family members since they are born, and their
parents
Use synonyms
become the main characters in their
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
.
Therefore
Linking Words
, kids tend to imitate their father and mother in terms of their behaviours and moral values.
For example
Linking Words
, if little one sees that his/her dad screams when arguing with other
people
Use synonyms
, they perceive
this
Linking Words
act as normal, resulting in copying
this
Linking Words
behaviour. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
some
people
Use synonyms
claim that
children
Use synonyms
should get penalties
because of
Change preposition
for
show examples
committing crimes, I believe that
parents
Use synonyms
have a majority of responsibility for their kids’ actions
due to
Linking Words
be
Change the verb form
being
show examples
role models in their offspring's
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
.
Submitted by jtbeyhive on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are clear and present, which is good. However, your main body paragraphs lack detailed supporting examples and development. Make sure to provide more specific and relevant examples to support your points.
task achievement
You have addressed both views and given your opinion, which is good. However, your examples and explanations could be more comprehensive and detailed. Try to offer a deeper analysis of the ideas presented.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: