IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 8

Some say that the best way to improve public health is by Increasing the number of sport facilities. Others, however, say that this will have little effect on public health and that other measures are required. Discuss both views and give your opinion

#say #health #sport #facilities #effect #measures
The best way to improve community well-being is to create more sporting arenas
while
 others argued that
this
 has little effect on people’s health and that other measures are needed. In my opinion, I believe that eating healthy is cheaper and more effective to give quality fitness.   On one hand, producing more gaming centres as some believed would help the citizen keep fit
as well as
 improve the talent they could display to the entire world in an international competition like The Olympics. The inhabitants can easily have access to these pieces of equipment to train and harness their gifts provided that the centres will have expert guides. In my town, it has a sports centre in the heart of the community, where people can apply for a fee to become members on scheduled days.  
On the other hand
, eating a regular balanced diet on daily basis cost less and is in the comfort of your home which is better than paying to travel to the town centre to get in shape. In 2020, the World Health Organization concluded that consuming canned and processed food causes excess weight gain and predisposes society to various sicknesses. They
also
 explained certain risk factors that are common among young people
such
 as cigarette smoking and excessive alcohol
also
 increase poor health.
Therefore
, the government has a major role to play by implementing policies and ensuring higher taxes to guide against
this
 menace. In the United Kingdom, more than 45 per cent of teenagers are either chronic smokers or Vapers. Even though there are laws in place to restrict the selling of these items to underage, public education needs to encourage.   In summary, despite the varying opinions I believe that eating a balanced diet is the simplest way citizen can stay healthy provided that the government place more restriction on processed food and cigarette.
Submitted by Docceegee24 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: