IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people think that private schools have many advantages while others think there have many drawbacks for the community. Discuss both sides and give an opinion

#people #schools #community
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Private
schools
Use synonyms
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
 been cropping up nowadays as a great option to pursue higher education.
While
Linking Words
 some people encourage
students
Use synonyms
 to choose private
schools
Use synonyms
 as it offers several positive outputs, others think
otherwise
Linking Words
.
This
Linking Words
 essay will discuss both sides and give a concluding view. On the one
had
Correct your spelling
hand
show examples
, those who support attending private
schools
Use synonyms
 believe the
various
Replace the word
variety
show examples
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
benefits are given to their
students
Use synonyms
. As private
schools
Use synonyms
 are required
students
Use synonyms
 to pay tuition fee per semester, it turns out
make
Add the particle
to make
show examples
them
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 get more well-developed
facilities
Use synonyms
 as opposed to public
school
Use synonyms
, which is based on government taxes. In terms of human resources, it can be seen that
majority
Correct article usage
the majority
show examples
 of private
schools
Use synonyms
 are hiring
professional
Add an article
a professional
show examples
teacher
Fix the agreement mistake
teachers
show examples
 with a great background in their field, meaning that
students
Use synonyms
 are more convenient to study in small-sized of
Add an article
the group
a group
show examples
group
Fix the agreement mistake
groups
show examples
 and choose their own interests.
While
Linking Words
regading
Correct your spelling
regarding
reading
 the
facilities
Use synonyms
, it
is
Change the verb form
also provides
show examples
also
Linking Words
 provide several fancy
facilities
Use synonyms
,
such
Linking Words
 as
swimming
Correct article usage
a swimming
show examples
 pool, student dormitory, canteen and so on, making
students
Use synonyms
 can distribute their hobby outside the class schedule
setting
Change the form of the verb
set
show examples
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, opponents of
this
Linking Words
 point out that there are several drawbacks
choosing
Change preposition
to choosing
show examples
private
Add an article
a private
show examples
Use synonyms
school
Fix the agreement mistake
schools
show examples
, where the social gap is getting higher. In fact, all
facilities
Use synonyms
 provided by private
schools
Use synonyms
 are costly,
where
Correct word choice
which
show examples
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
can not always tolerate by
middle income
Add a hyphen
middle-income
show examples
 households.
Students
Use synonyms
 who live in an unstable
family
Fix the agreement mistake
families
show examples
 will not fit in the community,
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
most of the
students
Use synonyms
 are coming from
rich
Add an article
a rich
show examples
family
Fix the agreement mistake
families
show examples
, where they are using high-end brands
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
school
Use synonyms
. What
it
Correct your spelling
if
show examples
 they can not adapt
with
Change preposition
to
show examples
this
Linking Words
 kind of environment and
effect
Correct your spelling
affect
show examples
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their academic performance?
Overall
Linking Words
, it seems advisable that the decision to choose whether
attending
Change the verb form
to attend
show examples
 private or public
school
Use synonyms
 should meet with
financial
Add an article
the financial
show examples
 capacity of each family, rather than
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 mere prestige that all children should undergo to private
schools
Use synonyms
. It would appear that
this
Linking Words
 would make
students
Use synonyms
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
more convenient and pleasant to study in a match study environment.
Submitted by misstiasclassroom on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: