IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some cities create housing for growing populations by building taller buildings, while other cities have opted to build on wider areas of land. Which solution is better?

#cities #populations #buildings #areas #land
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With the growth of population, some
people
Use synonyms
 argue that
create
Wrong verb form
creating
show examples
 compact cities in a small
Use synonyms
area
Fix the agreement mistake
areas
show examples
 with high-rise
building
Fix the agreement mistake
buildings
show examples
 is a good choice.
However
Linking Words
, the
second
Linking Words
 option is that we can construct buildings
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
wider
Add an article
a wider
the wider
show examples
area
Use synonyms
. There are some merits and demerits
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
this
Linking Words
 solution
which
Correct word choice
so
show examples
 I opt
the
Change preposition
for the
show examples
second
Linking Words
 option. Constructing skyscrapers on a small
area
Use synonyms
 of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
land
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 some advantages
as well as
Linking Words
 disadvantages.
Firstly
Linking Words
, when there are lots of buildings in a complex structure,
people
Use synonyms
 can communicate with each other, and the security of our neighbourhood will increase.
That is
Linking Words
, they can help together in different situations, and
the
Correct your spelling
they
show examples
 sense of
willing
Replace the word
willingness
show examples
 to help other
people
Use synonyms
 rise.
However
Linking Words
,
compact
Add an article
the compact
a compact
show examples
 city can
some
Add a missing verb
have some
show examples
 negative points, especially in
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
occuring
Correct your spelling
occurring
 disasters. In earthquake
condition
Fix the agreement mistake
conditions
show examples
,
for example
Linking Words
, it is most likely to injure more
people
Use synonyms
 in
high rise
Add a hyphen
high-rise
show examples
building
Fix the agreement mistake
buildings
show examples
 than houses or one-flat houses.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, preparing
facility
Fix the agreement mistake
facilities
show examples
 and infrastructures in cities with tall buildings is more complicated.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, I think instructing properties
such
Linking Words
 as building on
wide
Add an article
a wide
the wide
show examples
area
Use synonyms
 of land may have more positive points, and with less negative aspects as well. In
this
Linking Words
 way,
people
Use synonyms
 can choose their dream house, which usually is spacious
by
Change preposition
with
show examples
 a yard for their children.
Linking Words
This
Change the determiner
These
show examples
 houses prepare a good condition for bringing up children. The more the space
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
city
Add an article
the city
show examples
 is wider, the more
people
Use synonyms
 have
Peaceful
Correct article usage
a Peaceful
show examples
 atmosphere so as to
less
Add a missing verb
have less
show examples
 traffic volume and
low
Correct article usage
a low
show examples
 air pollution rate.
However
Linking Words
, the living cost and bills are high because of
large
Add an article
a large
the large
show examples
area
Use synonyms
 of
house
Add an article
the house
a house
show examples
.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, the energy
lost
Replace the word
loss
show examples
 is more than
compact
Change preposition
in compact
show examples
 housing. I think considering the importance of quality of life in
fast-paced
Correct article usage
a fast-paced
show examples
 and hectic lifestyle in
contemporary
Add an article
the contemporary
show examples
 era, persuades
people
Use synonyms
 to choose wide cities.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
, we can utilise some new policies to save energy and remedy negative situations. In conclusion, I believe building housing
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
wide
Add an article
the wide
show examples
area
Use synonyms
 is
more
Add an article
a more
show examples
 important and useful solution, because of
quality
Correct article usage
the quality
show examples
 of life and
emotion
Replace the word
emotional
show examples
 situation.
However
Linking Words
, living in skyscrapers and high-rise
building
Fix the agreement mistake
buildings
show examples
 have some positive and negative points,
such
Linking Words
 as high security and pressure on infrastructures, respectively.
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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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