IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

People who live in busy cities are in many ways at a disadvantage to those who live in rural areas. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #cities #areas
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
There is a perspective that
people
Use synonyms
 who inhabit urban
areas
Use synonyms
 tend to be at demerits compared to those who live in
Correct article usage
the countrysides
show examples
countrysides
Fix the agreement mistake
countryside
show examples
. I convey my disagreement over that statement which will be elaborated more
along
Change preposition
in
show examples
this
Linking Words
 essay by providing several underlying reasons.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, the most common reason why
people
Use synonyms
 choose to live in crowded cities is the more tempting career they might gain
that is
Linking Words
 not the same as in rural
areas
Use synonyms
. The livelihood opportunity definitely leads to
higher
Add an article
a higher
show examples
salary
Fix the agreement mistake
salaries
show examples
, an all in all-motivation that humans pursue. That fact is
undebateably
Correct your spelling
undebatable
debatably
 a huge advantage
people
Use synonyms
 get from living in urban
areas
Use synonyms
. To exemplify, in Java,
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
known as one of the most crowded islands in the world located in Indonesia, many
people
Use synonyms
 choose to stay, generation to generation. That condition has been occurring in view of the fact that recent urbanization that can be seen from the establishment of new companies brings many employments that
people
Use synonyms
 from a wide range of backgrounds are seeking.
Additionally
Linking Words
, rather in the rural
areas
Use synonyms
, living in urban
areas
Use synonyms
 ease the accessibility to dozens of public facilities
such
Linking Words
 as schools, offices, colleges, markets,
sport
Change the noun form
sports
show examples
centers
Change the spelling
centres
show examples
, etc. In some
countrysides
Replace the word
countries
show examples
,
people
Use synonyms
 have to go miles away just to find certain public facilities.
This
Linking Words
 convenience influences the quality of
people
Use synonyms
's lives from the time management and energy spent.
Hence
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 will have more time to focus on the things that need more concern like career and study, in order to live the best life.
To sum up
Linking Words
, I disagree that
people
Use synonyms
 who live in urban
areas
Use synonyms
 are at demerits compared to those who inhabit rural
areas
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 statement is supported by the evidence of opportunities related to earnings and public facilities that only those who live in crowded
areas
Use synonyms
 gain.
Submitted by misstiasclassroom on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: