IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

People are surrounded by advertisement which has an increase effect on our lives. Do you think the positive effect of this outweigh the negative effect?

#people #advertisement #effect #lives #outweigh
In modern cities
habitant
Fix the agreement mistake
habitants
show examples
 every time and everywhere see the commercial,
it
Correct word choice
and it
show examples
 is considered that advertisement is boosts
standard
Add an article
the standard
show examples
 of living,
however
, often it seems
some
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
annoying and imposing,
leads
Wrong verb form
leading
show examples
 to depression
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 some occasions. In my mind pros of
this
 situation outweigh
cons
Correct article usage
the cons
show examples
.
This
 essay will look at the benefits and drawbacks of occasions announced in the topic. The
chiefly
Change the word
chief
show examples
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
advantages
Fix the agreement mistake
advantage
show examples
 is
highest
Change the article
the highest
show examples
 level of accessibility of information that commercial gives to
people
. The
understandable
Replace the word
understanding
show examples
 of billboards or popup messages
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 phones leads to
drastic
Add an article
the drastic
show examples
 rise
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 purchasing goods, resulting in
dramatic
Add an article
a dramatic
the dramatic
show examples
 increase
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 traders’ income.
Consequently
, every part of
chain
Add an article
the chain
show examples
 from producer to consumer
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
wining
Correct your spelling
winning
show examples
 and
people
 become richer. It is evidenced that each dollar
pulling
Wrong verb form
pulled
show examples
 to commercial brings back in five.
In addition
, some clips or posts in glossy magazines are
pure
Add an article
a pure
show examples
piece
Change the noun form
pieces
show examples
 of art and
eye catcher
Add a hyphen
eye-catcher
show examples
. There are
certainly
Replace the word
certain
show examples
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
disadvantages, the main of
it
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 is
significant
Add an article
a significant
show examples
 degree of pressure
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
humens’
Correct your spelling
humans
psychic
Fix the agreement mistake
psychics
show examples
. The multitude and strong
colors
Change the spelling
colours
show examples
using
Wrong verb form
used
show examples
 in commercial
contributes
Change the verb form
contribute
show examples
 to attracting attention to
laud
Correct your spelling
loud
show examples
 talk or singing song through commercial clip
instead
 of making
job
Correct article usage
a job
show examples
 or relaxing.
As a result
,
people
 lose time and have not
rest
Change the verb form
rested
show examples
 enough or do overtime and sometimes it causes
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
depression. There are a lot of estimates, talking us that
people
 who
lives
Change the verb form
live
show examples
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
Add an article
the country
show examples
country side
Correct your spelling
countryside
show examples
 get syndrome of
chronical
Correct your spelling
chronic
 tiring
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
30% fewer
then
Replace the word
than
show examples
 in citizens. In conclusion,
although
 there are
set
Correct article usage
a set
show examples
 of cons like
potential
Add an article
the potential
show examples
 risk of depression appearing pros of
higher
Add an article
a higher
the higher
show examples
 level of living
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
undoubtedly overweight.
Submitted by Allazhar on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Ultimate Speaking practice for IELTS

Practice speaking step by step, answer real-life questions, and build your confidence. Start your free trial and improve your speaking skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays:

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!