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Band 5

Surveillance cameras in banks, officers, shops and streets have been very successful in reducing crime in the workplace and in public, but they are also a tool for their users to spy on people private business. What problems do the use of surveillance cameras create? Is there any solution?

#surveillance #cameras #banks #officers #shops #streets #crime #workplace #tool #users #spy #people #business
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With the growth of technology, especially the advances
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
surveillance
 gadgets, it is undeniable that
CCTV
cameras
 play an important role in decreasing
crime
Correct article usage
the crime
show examples
 rate in the workplace and in the public.
However
, these
cameras
 are
also
 a device to watch
people
Change noun form
people's
show examples
 private business secretly.
This
 essay will point out the obstacles of using
surveillance
 devices
as well as
 propose solutions to deal with these problems. The main reason for using
CCTV
 gadgets to intrude
Change preposition
on people
show examples
people
Change noun form
people's
show examples
 privacy is
the
Change the article
apply
show examples
insecure
Replace the word
insecurity
show examples
 of
surveillance
softwares
Correct your spelling
software
. In fact, many black-hat hackers can easily steal
data
 from
surveillance
cameras
 with few lines of code. They will use these photos and videos taken from
cameras
 for commercial purposes or posting on social media.
That is
 why sometimes we see some funny videos taken from
CCTV
 videos.
In addition
, hackers can earn money from selling
surveillance
data
 to
third
 parties. Companies who buy these
data
 may know
ours
Correct the word
our
show examples
 behaviours and private activities
,
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apply
show examples
 so that they can promote their company’s product easier.
For instance
, the
third
 party knows that we like buying
cellphones
Correct your spelling
cell phones
show examples
base
Wrong verb form
based
show examples
 on images exported from
cameras
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 so
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
they will use phone numbers bought from another
third
 party to sell their products.
Hence
,
CCTV
 devices can be a useful tool for
Add an article
a hacker
the hacker
show examples
hacker
Fix the agreement mistake
hackers
show examples
 to spy on
ours
Correct the word
our
show examples
 activities. A possible solution to tackle these problems is to install stronger security systems for
surveillance
softwares
Correct your spelling
software
. We can install
firewall
Correct article usage
a firewall
show examples
 or 2-factor authentication, which requires users
enter
Fix the infinitive
to enter
show examples
 stronger passwords so that our private
data
 and information will be protected. In fact, many technology companies use
Add an article
the firewall
show examples
firewall
Fix the agreement mistake
firewalls
show examples
 as the strongest tool to keep their essential documents safe.
To conclude
, various actions can be taken to enhance the privacy of
surveillance
cameras
, so that hackers cannot steal
ours
Correct the word
our
show examples
 private business anymore.
Submitted by hungcuongdinh229 on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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