IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

one of the consequences of improved medical care is that people are living longer and life expectancy is increasing. do you thing the advantages of this development woutweight the disadvantage?

#consequences #care #people #life #expectancy #development #woutweight
In
this
 modern era,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
life expectancy become longer because of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
medical improvement, which permits one to live a normal life even if some type of pathologies
such
 as diabetes or asthma. In fact, the benefits of
this
 big development in medical knowladagement provide specific medicine that a person can take daily to contrast his pathologies even if he or she can not really heal from it. To illustrate, in the case of people with seasonal allergies, they can take some particular strong
drugs
 for a long period of time to continue all the activities that they normally do as work, study or play sports.
On the other hand
, it is true that a downside of
this
 big choice of
drugs
 can create problems
such
 as addiction or abuse. In response to it, the government create a law by which the strongest
drugs
 can be given
also
 after a doctor's prescription with the precise quantity needed by the patient. In spite
of
Correct pronoun usage
thisof
show examples
 , every subject should be responsible and use the medicine only if necessary.
In addition
, we must remember that our grandparents, in the past years when they were young, the probability to die for
cold
Correct article usage
a cold
show examples
 or flu was so high
while
 nowadays is almost impossible and only thak to all medical research and discovers, In summary, medical development permit that a lot of people live a normal life and
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
a lot of
sickness
Change to a plural noun
sicknesses
show examples
 can be cured or alleviated with
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 right use of
drugs
 which must be controlled and selected by doctors.
Submitted by miryam.i.dedea on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: