Nowadays some older people choose to live in the retirement communities with other people, rather than living with their adult children. Is it a positive or negative development

It is quite common for people to live in a nursing home after retiring, someone thinks it is negative.
However
, I argue that it will keep them in mental health and relieve their children's burden. On the one hand, seniors live in retirement which will improve their mental health. Because there are many people in nursing homes,
so
Correct word choice
apply
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they can communicate and socialize with their friends and are less likely to feel lonely.
Therefore
, it will help them maintain psychological well-being.
By contrast
, the elderly who live lonely tend to isolate themselves which could cause mental diseases.
For example
, the published reports by UBC show that those who had psychological diseases mostly stayed by themselves, and
this
proved that staying in long-term centres is the best way to maintain them in a good mood.
On the other hand
, elderly people who are living in long-term care centres are less likely to rely on their children's responsibility.
Because
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In retirement they are cared for by professionals, so in general, their offspring just need to visit them on weekends only, which will remain enough time for their work or their families.
While others
Correct word choice
Others
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who are living on their own may need their children to be concerned for them daily which means it will disrupt their kids'
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
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significantly.
For instance
, most Canadian seniors
lived
Wrong verb form
live
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in nursing homes and don't
count
Verb problem
care
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about their kids. In conclusion,
although
someone
Correct your spelling
some
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contends that seniors are better
to live
Change preposition
off living
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in their home, staying in long-term care centres is a good solution which helps them stay healthy and avoid bothering their offspring.
Submitted by jinyuming896 on

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Task Achievement
Provide a clear opinion on whether it is a positive or negative development. Develop and support your points with relevant reasons and examples.
Coherence and Cohesion
Organize your ideas into clear paragraphs with topic sentences and supporting details. Use linking words and cohesive devices to improve the flow and coherence of your essay.
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