IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

In some countries, the average weight of people is increasing and their level of health and fitness are decreasing. what do you think are the causes of these problems and what measures could be taken to solve them.

#countries #weight #people #level #health #fitness #measures
It is inevitable that
people
 in
this
 modern epoch cannot control their ideal body weight and most of them are having
low
Add an article
a low
show examples
level
Fix the agreement mistake
levels
show examples
 of wellness and fitness. The lack of
awarness
Correct your spelling
awareness
 about how important it is to maintain
healthy
Correct article usage
a healthy
show examples
 lifestyle
seem
Change the verb form
seems
show examples
 to be the main
causes
Fix the agreement mistake
cause
show examples
 of these
issuess
Correct your spelling
issues
especially
Add the comma(s)
,especially
show examples
 for those who have
very
Correct article usage
a very
show examples
 packed schedule and cannot manage their
time
 appropriately.
However
, I believe that there are two completions they can conduct to tackle these problems. Nowadays, As
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 result of long working hours, many
people
 do not have
adequate
Add an article
an adequate
show examples
 amount of
time
 to go to the gym or simply
doing
Wrong verb form
do
show examples
excercises
Correct your spelling
exercises
 at home because they tend to spend their spare
time
to take
Change the verb form
taking
show examples
rest
Correct article usage
a rest
show examples
.
Furthermore
, in regards to
maximalize
Wrong verb form
maximalizing
show examples
 their
time
-saving, they regularly consume
fast-food
Correct your spelling
fast food
show examples
 which
cionsist
Correct your spelling
consist
consists
 of unhealthy ingredients
such
 as
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the excessive amount of fat inside.
Consequently
, if these habits
continues
Change the verb form
continue
show examples
, they can easily gain more weight
due to
 fat surplus and it will be reducing the level of their well-being and
theey
Correct your spelling
they
prone
Add a missing verb
are prone
show examples
 to be attacked by
severe
Add an article
a severe
show examples
 disease like
cholestrol
Correct your spelling
cholesterol
.
On the other hand
, I suggest there will be two possible ways to overcome those matters.
Firstly
,
people
 have to manage their
time
 properly
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 and
spending
Wrong verb form
spend
show examples
 their free
time
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
doing physical activities to maintain their wellness and to keep their body active
such
 as cycling and swimming, most importantly they have to conduct these actions
consitently
Correct your spelling
consistently
.
In addition
, consuming more clean meals
such
 as vegetables and fruits can help them
detoxcify
Correct your spelling
detoxify
 their body poisons and replace
fattening
Correct article usage
the fattening
show examples
 food that they often consume.
Thus
, as the result, they are able to keep their ideal weight
as well as
preserving
Wrong verb form
preserve
show examples
healthy
Add an article
a healthy
show examples
 lifestyle.
Overall
, the main problems are both
people
Change noun form
people's
show examples
awarness
Correct your spelling
awareness
 and habits.
Then
, the potential solutions involve good
time
 management and
also
 particular changes in terms of diets.
Submitted by misstiasclassroom on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: