IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

The graph below shows the number of shops that closed and the number of new shops that opened in one country between 2011 and 2018. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The graph below shows the number of shops that closed and the number of new shops that opened in one country between 2011 and 2018. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#shops #country #summarise #information #features #comparisons
The graph illustrates the
amount
Change the quantifier
number
show examples
 of markets that
where
Correct your spelling
were
show examples
 opened and
colsed
Correct your spelling
closed
 during the period
2011
Change preposition
between 2011
show examples
 and 2018 in a single country.
overall
, it can be seen clearly that there was a huge drop in the
number
 of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
shops
 where released in 2015 in that country. In detail, the
number
 of
shops
 being launched in 2011 (above 8000) was higher the
the
Remove the redundancy
apply
show examples
number
 of closed
one
Correct pronoun usage
ones
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 (above 6000).
furthermore
, both numbers decreased in 2012, to
became
Wrong verb form
become
show examples
 slightly less than 4000 for openings, after that, an increase happened
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
 2013, so the closure rate recorded a
number
 above 7000, to keep
the
Remove the article
apply
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it higher than the opened
shops
 by around 2000. later on in 2014, these
number
Change the determiner
numbers
show examples
bcame
Correct your spelling
became
 almost the same in 2014, which was more than 6000, but
then
 there was a gradually declining in openings
number
 at 2015, but a
dramatically
Change the adverb
dramatic
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 decrease for closures reached
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
less than 1000,
however
, the openings process experienced a growth in 2016 at 5000, and
this
number
 did not change that much in 2017 and 2018.
on the other
hand
Add a comma
,hand
show examples
shops
was
Change the verb form
were
show examples
 closed in 2015 was 4000 and
this
 remain the same in 2016,
finally
Add a comma
,finally
show examples
this
number
 decreased to become 3000 in 2018
Submitted by dinaruqti on

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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 69%.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words number, shops with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "decreased" was used 3 times.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • retail landscape
  • net growth
  • market dynamics
  • economic indicators
  • fluctuations
  • pivotal
  • consumption patterns
  • e-commerce
  • brick-and-mortar
  • downward/upward trend
  • stabilize
  • recession
  • boom
  • retail sector
  • closure rate
  • inauguration/opening rate
  • consumer market
  • saturate
  • commercial viability
  • profitability
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