IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Many manufactured food and drink products contain high levels of sugar, which causes many health problems. Sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree?

More and more
people
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 nowadays are considered to suffer from a lot of health problems because of consuming too much sugary food. In
this
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 circumstance, many
people
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 argue that
products
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 containing high levels of sugar had better be made more expensive to make
people
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 consume them less. From my personal point of view,
this
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 solution is completely reasonable
due to
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 two essential reasons.
Firstly
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, making sugary
products
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 more expensive can encourage
people
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 to consider
more
Correct pronoun usage
them more
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 thoroughly before making purchases. Specifically, from the
economics
Replace the word
economic
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 viewpoint, the higher
price
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 is set, the lower demand is.
Besides
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, from the conventional viewpoint of consumers,
price
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 is apparently a vital factor affecting purchase decisions, which
also
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 means that if the
price
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 of sugary
products
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 is getting higher, customers tend to buy alternative goods that can still meet their demand.
This
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 results in
less
Change the quantifier
fewer
show examples
 purchases and
consumptions
Fix the agreement mistake
consumption
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 of sugary
products
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, leading to
reduction
Add an article
a reduction
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 in the rate of
ability
Add an article
the ability
show examples
of suffering
Replace the preposition
to suffer
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 from health problems.
Secondly
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,
this
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 solution is a way to put more pressure on manufacturers to find methods to keep their positions in the general market. Specifically, when experiencing
decrease
Add an article
a decrease
show examples
 in the number of customers buying their
products
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, manufacturers surely need to choose other ways to develop, in which investing more in
reasearch
Correct your spelling
research
 and development is a strategic direction of many companies.
For instance
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, when
people
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 consumed
less
Correct quantifier usage
fewer
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 soft drinks because they felt scared of being obese,
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Coca Cola
Add a hyphen
Coca-Cola
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 did invest in researching and developing a new product called
Coca
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 Zero.
This
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 product of
Coca
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 was considered to be healthier and less in sugar and calories, which has helped it be popular
in
Change preposition
for
show examples
 many years. It is evident that if there are more companies following the strategy like
Coca
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, customers are obviously the ones who benefit most. In conclusion, based on the aforementioned positive effects, I completely agree with the solution that more
polices
Correct your spelling
policies
show examples
 should be made to let the
price
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 of
products
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 consisting of too much sugar be higher.
This
Linking Words
 measure seems to be beneficial for both consumers and manufacturers in many ways.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • health problems
  • manufactured food and drink products
  • sugary products
  • excessive sugar consumption
  • discourage
  • promote
  • healthier choices
  • reduce
  • increased taxes
  • fund
  • health education
  • prevention programs
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