Some people think that professional athletes make good role models for young people, while others believe they don`t. Discuss both these points of views and give your own opinion.

Over the past decade, the popularity of sportspersons has risen
due to
the technology and internet. It is often argued whether they should be treated as idols or not. I firmly believe that these players have a lot to learn from, and there is nothing wrong
to follow
Change preposition
with following
show examples
them;
however
, individuals use
this
for positive learning, and should not blind followers. Many people today find sports to be engaging and support their
favorite
Change the spelling
favourite
show examples
athletes. Given that standing out from the crowd is a difficult task, there may be a lot to be learned from them. A successful athlete's life biography demonstrates how diligently they toiled until they attained a level where they were recognised by all. People may achieve great things in their lives if they choose to follow them, especially young individuals.
Hence
, they certainly could serve as examples. One must be careful when selecting their
pubic
Correct your spelling
public
show examples
figure because there is another side to the coin. To
further
explain, despite their enormous success, some people still feel unsatisfied, leading them to occasionally seek out alternate solutions like using drugs or getting involved in scandals.
Additionally
, some celebrities receive payment for endorsements without determining if the product is excellent or poor. If someone follows them in the aforementioned scenarios, it will be dumb.
Therefore
, we shouldn't just blindly follow them. To recapitulate, I reiterate that fandom towards your charming player should help you positively influence your life;
however
, devotees should avoid the unsighted following.
Submitted by jassi.sandhu601 on

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Your essay provides a comprehensive response to the task, addressing the two contrasting views and offering a clear personal opinion. However, be cautious with the use of informal language such as 'dumb',
coherence cohesion
Your essay demonstrates a logical structure with a clear introduction, body, and conclusion. The ideas are presented cohesively, and the examples support your points effectively. Work on using a more formal tone and maintaining consistency in language and style throughout the essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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