IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Nowadays celebrities are more famous for their glamor and wealth than for their achievements, and this sets a bad example to young people. Do you agree or disagree?

#celebrities #glamor #wealth #achievements #sets #people
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
It is commonly believed that famous superstars are more well-known because of their wealthy and glamorous lifestyle rather than
people
Use synonyms
 who achieve their goals and
this
Linking Words
 would affect
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
youngsters. In apropos of
this
Linking Words
 argument, I could not agree more
due to
Linking Words
 the bad habits and the celebrities’ advantages. It is indisputable fact that society is able to imitate what the idols do. Fans will do everything that celebrities do,
such
Linking Words
 as their actions, lifestyles, and
also
Linking Words
 personalities. They imitate their figures because they worship them, and believed that everything is acceptable to be followed.
For instance
Linking Words
, if the role models use drugs and do free sex, their fanatic fans will tend to do the same because they might think it is cool and worth it to try, resulting in bad habits
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 the young generations.
In addition
Linking Words
, if celebrities have glamorous lifestyles and become figures, it will make them richer and richer. As consequence, they will be more famous and invited to TV programs which make viewers don’t have any benefit from watching those kinds of events. If
people
Use synonyms
 are famed because of its recognition, others will be motivated and inspired which makes them do some self-improvement to be a better person.
Whereas
Linking Words
 if
people
Use synonyms
 are celebrated because of their glamour, others can’t get the advantages. The one who gets
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
satisfactory result is the superstars.
To sum up
Linking Words
, I disagree to make
people
Use synonyms
 famous because of its richness because it can give
bad
Correct article usage
a bad
show examples
 influence
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
 others and can’t get any superb impact
as
Change preposition
on
show examples
 viewers.
Submitted by rafiaufa18 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: