In many countries people increasingly talk about money (how much they earn or how much they pay for things in their daily conversations). Why? Is this a positive or negative development?

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In
the
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apply

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contrast
of
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to

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Correct article usage
the pass

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pass
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past

The word pass doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

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, the residents in many countries
stast
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start

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to discuss
about
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apply

The preposition about seems unecessary after the verb discuss. Consider removing the preposition.

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their daily
cost
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costs

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between conversations with
people
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.
Weather
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Whether

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it is
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a postive
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a postive

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postive
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positive
or
disadvatage
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disadvantage

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phonomen
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phenomenon
phenomena

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, I would
explian
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explain

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the ideas in
this
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essay.
According to
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the
cultrual
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cultural

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difference, western
people
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tend to not mention
about
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apply

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finaical
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financial

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issues in a conversation;
however
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

,
people
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from
the
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apply

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eastern countries adore to ask about
the
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apply

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jobs,
salaries
Correct word choice
and salaries

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in
life
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

. Eastern residents think that it is a warm-up to get to know a person, and western residents tend to skip
these topic
Change the determiner
this topic
these topics

It appears that the plural demonstrative these is modifying the singular noun topic. Consider using a singular demonstrative or a plural noun instead.

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because they consider
finicial
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financial

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is their
privite
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private

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life
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.
Besides
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, in recent decades,
economy
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economic

The word economy doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

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techology
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technology

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have
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has

The verb have does not seem to agree with the subject. Consider changing the verb form.

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changed the whole
socity
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society

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around the world, it is convenient to get information through the internet. On the hand, it is easier for many companies to have business overseas, and that makes the workers
involve
Change the form of the verb
involved

It appears that your sentence or clause uses an incorrect form of the verb involve. Consider changing it.

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in different situations for facing
people
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

from
backgroun
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background

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difference.
Therefore
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, except for business
conference
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conferences

It seems that conference may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

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,
people
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

start to talk about the daily payment because it is closer to our
life
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and easy to get
connection
Add an article
a connection
the connection

The noun phrase connection seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

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with others to know
the
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their

The word the may be incorrect in this context. Consider changing it.

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life
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of them.
On the other hand
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, when we discuss too
much
Correct quantifier usage
many

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money issues
to
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with

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our friends or co-workers, it will
also
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

make us into
troubles
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trouble

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. Though talking about
the
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apply

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privite
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private

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finicial
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financial

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topics
make
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makes

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people
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

get connected and find the solutions
for
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to

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our problems, we still need to pay attention
for about
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to

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it. Because everyone has different facts and
cause
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causes

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the results
difference
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different

The word difference doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

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which
make
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makes

The plural verb make does not appear to agree with the singular subject the results difference. Consider changing the verb form for subject-verb agreement.

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people
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

learn
the
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apply

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lessons from each other. In conclusion, though there are
disadaventage
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disadvantages
disadvantage

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for
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to

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talking about money in public, there are more
adaventage
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advantages
advantage

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for
people
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to discuss with others.
People
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can learn
the
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from the

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experience
form
Correct your spelling
from

The word form doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

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others and
do
Unnecessary verb
apply

The verb do appears to be unnecessary here.

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not make mistakes
at
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in

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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the same way.

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • consumerism
  • materialism
  • economic disparity
  • transparency
  • financial planning
  • financial stress
  • culture of comparison
  • societal taboos
  • financial literacy
  • savings
  • investments
What to do next:
Look at other essays: