Nowadays a lot of young people use social media. do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

#people #media

this

technologically advancing era, social platforms are inevitably considered a means of socialisation among youngsters.

However

, I advocate

this

trend has numerous detrimental effects on the development of the upcoming generation. To commence, social

media

are using personal details from the device that the applications are installed in,

consequently

exposing one's privacy.

Moreover

, by exposing people's personal data, the person is put in danger.

For example

, Facebook was facing legal formalities when cookies were introduced. Followed by the trial in the court later exposing them to the risk and denying the requirement of cookie updation.

Thus

minors who are unaware of the seriousness use it inappropriately.

In addition

, the opportunity that social platforms are opening to the young generation is elevating the scope of them getting forged.To elaborate, not all the information in social

media

is truthful,

nevertheless

innocence

Replace the word

innocent

show examples

in children is unable to appreciate the difference leading to a lot of fraudulent activities.

Therefore

, social

media

is putting young people in great danger. Contrastly, social

media

allows adolescents to widen their friend zone creating valuable relationships. To explain, connecting a person or peers will help them to improve their views

as a result

catering

Change preposition

show examples

new perspectives. To illustrate, a student from Japan can find another student in the US who is doing the same research which may help them in their subjects or studies.

To conclude

, the widespread usage of social platforms provides better chances,

however

, it paves pathways to enormous disasters as well.

Submitted by amruthasanal98 on Sat Jan 28 2023

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Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
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11Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

245 words

5.50

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 7.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 7.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.5

Complete response

6.5

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

Global connectivity
Knowledge sharing
Social engagement
Digital marketing
Networking opportunities
Cybersecurity
Online privacy
Digital literacy
Social awareness
Echo chamber effect
Information overload
Digital footprint

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Nowadays a lot of young people use social media. do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

Fully explain your ideas

Many employees may work at home with the modern technology. Some people claim that it can benefit only the workers, not the employers. Do you agree or disagree?

It is important for people to take risks, both in their professional lives and their personal lives. Do you think the advantages of taking risks outweigh the disadvantages?

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