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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Art and music are considered some of the fundamental elements of society. Do you think art and music still have a place in today’s modern world of technology?Should children spend more time learning art and music at school?

Artistic and musical components are
accounted
Verb problem
considered
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 as one of the prominent elements of the community. In the modernised era of advancement and technology, some other elements have been considered important factors.
However
Linking Words
, I believe that these factors still have their own place and strongly recommend
educational
Correct word choice
that educational
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 institutions
should
Verb problem
apply
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schedule routines for teaching art and
music
Use synonyms
.
Linking Words
This
Correct determiner usage
The
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 essay below shall explain two reasons for the significance of art and
music
Use synonyms
. Though there have been technological advancements, musical and artistic skills are still considered fundamental to society. People still choose
music
Use synonyms
 and
arts
Correct article usage
the arts
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 rather than games and gadgets for refreshment, passion and leisure time. Considering the essence and value of
such
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 abilities, various shows and events are
organized
Use the right word
organised
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 for talent hunts
such
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 as Voice of Nepal, Nepal Idol, Nepal's Got Talent and many more.
In addition
Linking Words
, art and
music
Use synonyms
 are considered the wealth
as well as
Linking Words
 resources of the nation. The cultural values and religious sites are full of sculpture, architecture
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 their traditional songs are among the tourist attractions.
For instance
Linking Words
, Nepal is known around the globe for its traditional architectural works
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 people from various regions visit Nepal to understand them. These values and skills should be preserved
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 their legacies should be transferred to the new generations.
This
Linking Words
 is why I believe schools and colleges should allow a reasonable amount of time for their students to teach
such
Linking Words
 skills. All in all, despite
modernization
Use the right word
modernisation
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, traditional values can never be replaced
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 the authorities should plan for their preservation.
This
Linking Words
 could be achieved by keeping youngsters informed
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 universities can be a great platform for accomplishing the requirements.

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Task Response
Task response: The essay answers the two prompts but does not show a very clear plan. Make a plan at the start and keep a clear focus on both questions. Add a short conclusion that restates your view and the main ideas.
Coherence and Cohesion
Coherence and cohesion: Start each paragraph with a clear topic sentence. Use simple linking words to show how ideas connect (for example, also, but, so, however). Avoid long or mixed ideas in one sentence.
content
Clear view that art and music still matter today.
examples
Uses examples from local shows to back up points.
structure
Good overall layout with introduction, body, and conclusion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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