IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people argue that we should do research into their family history. Others, agree with the view that we should focus on the present and future generations. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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There are argumentative notions heating up a debate over which generation should be concentrated on.
While
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 some claim that it is imperative for people to look into their family history, the opposite makes a statement that a current and younger one plays
such
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 a paramount important role in human civilization, which is
neccessary
Correct your spelling
necessary
 to focus on. In my viewpoint,
while
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 each has its own perks, it is optimal to combine both mentioned sides. Without a shadow of a doubt, researching sorts of ancient family information is quite crucial in some cases. By doing so, individuals may have a deeper understanding
about
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of
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 their family trees
as well as
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 their old valuable heritages.
Furthermore
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, it is a must for residents to have a high liability in preserving their former value
along with
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 prospering conventional vocations. To be more specific, carpentry, pottery and weaving can be cited as an intriguing example
for
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of
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 early embroidering skills which need to
conserve
Wrong verb form
be conserved
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 and spread to youngsters immediately so as to avoid
its
Correct pronoun usage
their
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 disappearance.
Therefore
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, it is
of
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apply
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necessity
Replace the word
necessary
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 to investigate the family history of persons owing to the valuable conventions. Whilst the redeeming feature of knowing the preceded information
of
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about
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 people’s
family
Fix the agreement mistake
families
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 is widely acknowledged, focusing on the current generations and the next ones is
also
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 comparatively vital. Particularly,
this
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 stage is presented
as well as
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 they are the
one
Correct pronoun usage
ones
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 that ordinary people can rely on promptly whenever they get into
troubles
Fix the agreement mistake
trouble
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.
For instance
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, when dwellers have to address their financial difficulties,
besides
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 their guardians, cousins, siblings or any relatives may be the
one
Correct pronoun usage
ones
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 that they can get rid of. Because of
this
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 obvious fact, looking after their dear ones
along with
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 strengthening their bonds among family members is a need for humans.
Hence
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, there are formidable upsides that
demonstate
Correct your spelling
demonstrate
 the importance of concentrating on ordinary generations. In conclusion, both statements have proved the essence of getting to know about their elder family values
as well as
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 revolving
about
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around
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 the present and young generations.

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task achievement
Aim to have a clearer and more concise thesis statement that directly addresses the question by stating your opinion clearly.
coherence & cohesion
Ensure your essay paragraphs flow logically from one to the next by using a range of cohesive devices effectively.
task achievement
To improve task achievement, ensure that you address all parts of the prompt fully. Include further development of your ideas with more specific examples to support your points.
coherence & cohesion
Work on paragraph structure to clearly separate your points. Each paragraph should have a clear main idea, supported by examples or further explanation.
coherence & cohesion
Consider using a wider range of vocabulary and sentence structures to articulate points more precisely and to add interest to your writing.
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