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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people argue that we should do research into their family history. Others, agree with the view that we should focus on the present and future generations. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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There are controversial perspectives heating a debate over taking
consideration
Change preposition
into consideration
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to
Change preposition
apply
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family trees, current and succeeding generations. From my perspective,
while
Linking Words
 each has its own perks, I would contend that it is optimal to combine both mentioned factors. Without a shadow of a doubt, getting to know about
line
Add an article
the line
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 of ancestry should be put into the priority in humans’ lives. And the explanation for
this
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 could potentially be that by digging into family roots,
people
Use synonyms
 can easily dive deeper
in
Change preposition
into
show examples
 their biological aspects.
As a result
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, that will amazingly do wonders for curing diseases. To be more particular, gene or DNA features are able to give doctors hints about
people
Use synonyms
’s diseases so that they can diagnose them more effectively the possibility of being infected with those alarming diseases
such
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 as cancer or asthma.
Therefore
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, collecting information about origins plays a paramount significant role in
people
Use synonyms
’s
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
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.
While
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 the merits of understanding family trees are widely acknowledged, it is unfair if those of
putting
Wrong verb form
put
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 emphasis on the present and future generations are ignored. Undeniably, parents and siblings are the ones who can be present immediately and help promptly when
people
Use synonyms
 face unpredictable troubles. Specifically, when any family members have financial difficulties, parents, siblings or even cousins and relatives are
those
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 that they can turn to for help.
Hence
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, those are underlying roots pinning down why
people
Use synonyms
 should focus in the form of spending time looking after family members and strengthening the bonds among them. In my conclusion, both getting information about family history and taking care of recent generations
as well as
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 descendants should be taken into account.

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task achievement
Provide clearer and more directly related examples to support each viewpoint. While discussing the importance of understanding family trees and focusing on current and future generations, include specific, real-life examples or research findings to make your arguments more compelling.
coherence and cohesion
Try to ensure smoother transitions between paragraphs. Use linking words or phrases to better connect ideas and arguments across the essay. This will help in enhancing the flow and understanding of your argumentation.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure your introduction clearly states the essay's topic and your thesis statement. Similarly, ensure your conclusion summarizes the key points made and clearly restates your position. This helps in providing a clear and more impactful beginning and end to your essay.
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