IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people say music is a good way of bringing people of different culture and ages together. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

#people #music #culture #ages
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
It is after say that
music
Use synonyms
 has been a common
language
Use synonyms
 which brings various and numerous notions together, and I am of the same opinion. To commence with, people of each country have different
language
Use synonyms
 speaking,
besides
Linking Words
 every culture has their own way of communicate which is anonymous to others. Indeed, people of various cultures are unknown to each other
due to
Linking Words
variety
Correct article usage
the variety
show examples
 of local
Use synonyms
language
Fix the agreement mistake
languages
show examples
 and unique ways of life. Surprisingly,
music
Use synonyms
 is totally different
as a result
Linking Words
 of common instructions and rules in every region, even in the middle of nowhere the rule of learning
music
Use synonyms
 and its alphabet is the same.
For example
Linking Words
, the one who
desire
Change the verb form
desires
show examples
 to play
piano
Change the article
the piano
show examples
 in Africa
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 to learn and knowledge
the
Change preposition
of the
show examples
stimulate
Change the verb form
stimulated
show examples
 structure as the one in Asia.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, our emotional feelings could be understood better from the
music
Use synonyms
more
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
than
other
Change preposition
in other
show examples
 ways.
Music
Use synonyms
 rhythms are able to
illustrated
Wrong verb form
illustrate
show examples
humans
Change the noun form
human
show examples
 feelings
such
Linking Words
 as happiness and sadness in one common way around the world.
As a consequence
Linking Words
, we know and learn the same rules for
communicate
Replace the word
communication
show examples
.
Therefore
Linking Words
, we can make
Add an article
a connection
the connection
show examples
connection
Fix the agreement mistake
connections
show examples
 and share or inform our opinions or our emotions
thorough
Correct your spelling
through
show examples
this
Linking Words
 common
language
Use synonyms
 to others wherever we are. It might be said that
music
Use synonyms
 is not the only way of communication. Second
language
Use synonyms
, new technology
arrivel
Correct your spelling
arrival
 could
also
Linking Words
 play
this
Linking Words
 role as well, and definitely would be advanced in the near future;
Linking Words
However
Fix capitalization
however
show examples
, the powerful role of
music
Use synonyms
 in providing and creating common values could not be deniable or even comparable as we can see many
musical
Replace the word
music
show examples
 festivals and concerts which are held around the world regardless of gender, nationality or culture. In conclusion,
this
Linking Words
 common belief that
music
Use synonyms
 brings folks all over the world together seems to be true and
this
Linking Words
 impressive
language
Use synonyms
 has proven it well.
Submitted by ahmadpour.irsa on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • cultural diversity
  • harmony
  • integration
  • bridging gaps
  • foster
  • ignite
  • embrace
  • communicate
  • celebrate
  • appreciate
  • inclusivity
  • universal language
  • emotional resonance
  • shared experiences
  • intercultural dialogue
  • intergenerational connections
  • cultural exchange
  • catalyst
What to do next:
Look at other essays: