Some people encourage young children to leave their parents house as soon as they become adults while other say children should stay at their parents house as long as possible. Discuss both the views and give your opinion.

#people #children #parents #house #adults

The number of

children

who live with their

parents

after

children

become

adult

Fix the agreement mistake

adults

show examples

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

is gradually increasing these days. Some argue that

children

should leave their

parents

Change noun form

parent's

parents'

show examples

house immediately after they become

adult

Fix the agreement mistake

adults

show examples

while

others believe that they should stay with their family as they need to support their

parents

. I agree with the former opinion. Some people claim

children

should stay with their family in order to support their

parents

. Considering that

parents

are relatively old and are likely to have health issues easily,

children

are encouraged to take care of them.

For example

, in Japan, a major reason why

children

living

Wrong verb form

live

show examples

with their

parents

is they suffer from diseases

such

as cancer and

children

have to support them.

This

is an example

why

Change preposition

of why

show examples

some people claim

children

are encouraged to live with their

parents

However

, I maintain that

children

should live by themselves once they turn to be

adult

Fix the agreement mistake

adults

show examples

because

this

enhances their

independency

Replace the word

independence

show examples

for their future lives. Living alone

provides

Verb problem

causes

show examples

themselves

Correct pronoun usage

them

show examples

to face various difficulties not only

Change preposition

with

show examples

daily

stuffs

Change the wording

stuff

kinds of stuff

pieces of stuff

show examples

such

as cleaning and laundry but

also

Change preposition

with

show examples

paying

rents

Fix the agreement mistake

rent

show examples

. I can say from my own experience that I learned how to deal with

such

difficulties

through

Change preposition

show examples

living far from my

parents

Moreover

, because his

parents

still take care of him, one of my friends is not even incapable of cooking. In conclusion,

children

are encouraged to live alone to be reliable in their

life

Fix the agreement mistake

lives

show examples

To sum up

, despite there being arguments

Change preposition

about

show examples

children

living with

parents

, I believe that they should live apart from their

parents

so that they learn how to survive in

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

Today’s complex world.

Submitted by ryohei.1015.golf on Sun Jan 29 2023

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task response

Ensure that the examples provided are directly relevant to the main points and effectively support the arguments.

coherence cohesion

Use a wider range of cohesive devices to better connect ideas within and between sentences and paragraphs.

lexical resource

Expand the range of vocabulary used and demonstrate greater precision in word choice.

grammatical range

Work on sentence structure and variety to avoid repetition and ensure accurate use of grammar.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

Summary
Restatement of thesis
Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

In conclusion
To conclude
To summarize
Finally
In a nutshell
In general

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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8Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
18Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

271 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Some people encourage young children to leave their parents house as soon as they become adults while other say children should stay at their parents house as long as possible. Discuss both the views and give your opinion.

Include an introduction and conclusion

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Many people are becoming fat.What is the main reason .How can it be solved

Should the international community do more to tackle the threat of global warming? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Discuss both views: some people believe family influences the children’ development; however, some argue that other influences (movie, music, friends…) more affect children.

Nowadays many people choose to be self-employed, rather than to work for a company or organization. Why might this be the case? What could be the disadvantages of being self-employed?