Some people encourage young children to leave their parents house as soon as they become adults while other say children should stay at their parents house as long as possible. Discuss both the views and give your opinion.

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The number of
children
Use synonyms
who live with their
parents
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after
children
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become
adult
Fix the agreement mistake
adults
show examples
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
is gradually increasing these days. Some argue that
children
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should leave their
Use synonyms
parents
Change noun form
parent's
parents'
show examples
house immediately after they become
adult
Fix the agreement mistake
adults
show examples
while
Linking Words
others believe that they should stay with their family as they need to support their
parents
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. I agree with the former opinion. Some people claim
children
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should stay with their family in order to support their
parents
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. Considering that
parents
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are relatively old and are likely to have health issues easily,
children
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are encouraged to take care of them.
For example
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, in Japan, a major reason why
children
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living
Wrong verb form
live
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with their
parents
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is they suffer from diseases
such
Linking Words
as cancer and
children
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have to support them.
This
Linking Words
is an example
why
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of why
show examples
some people claim
children
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are encouraged to live with their
parents
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.
However
Linking Words
, I maintain that
children
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should live by themselves once they turn to be
adult
Fix the agreement mistake
adults
show examples
because
this
Linking Words
enhances their
independency
Replace the word
independence
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for their future lives. Living alone
provides
Verb problem
causes
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themselves
Correct pronoun usage
them
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to face various difficulties not only
of
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with
show examples
daily
stuffs
Change the wording
stuff
kinds of stuff
pieces of stuff
show examples
such
Linking Words
as cleaning and laundry but
also
Linking Words
of
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with
show examples
paying
rents
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rent
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. I can say from my own experience that I learned how to deal with
such
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difficulties
through
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by
show examples
living far from my
parents
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.
Moreover
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, because his
parents
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still take care of him, one of my friends is not even incapable of cooking. In conclusion,
children
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are encouraged to live alone to be reliable in their
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
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.
To sum up
Linking Words
, despite there being arguments
in
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about
show examples
children
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living with
parents
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, I believe that they should live apart from their
parents
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so that they learn how to survive in
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Today’s complex world.
Submitted by ryohei.1015.golf on

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task response
Ensure that the examples provided are directly relevant to the main points and effectively support the arguments.
coherence cohesion
Use a wider range of cohesive devices to better connect ideas within and between sentences and paragraphs.
lexical resource
Expand the range of vocabulary used and demonstrate greater precision in word choice.
grammatical range
Work on sentence structure and variety to avoid repetition and ensure accurate use of grammar.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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