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Band 5

Some people argue that we should do research into their family history. Others, agree with the view that we should focus on the present and future generations. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #research #history #focus #future #generations
There are argumentative notions heating up a debate over which generation should be concentrated on.
While
 some claim that it is significant for
people
 to look into their family history, the opposite makes a statement that
a
Add a missing verb
is a
show examples
current and future one. which is necessary to focus on,
plays
Correct word choice
and plays
show examples
such
 a paramount important role in human life. In my opinion,
while
 each has its own perks, it is optimal to combine both mentioned sides. Without a shadow of a doubt, researching various types of historical family knowledge is quite important.
People
 could have a greater grasp of their family trees and their ancient, precious history by doing
this
.
In addition
, inhabitants must be highly liable for maintaining their previous value
in addition
 to having successful traditional careers. More precisely, it may be said that early embroidery skills,
such
 as carpentry, weaving, and pottery, are fascinating examples that should be preserved and taught to children right away to prevent their extinction.
Therefore
, it is imperative that
people
's family histories be looked into because of these important customs.
While
 the redeeming feature of knowing the preceding information
of
Change preposition
about
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people
’s
family
Fix the agreement mistake
families
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 is widely acknowledged, Paying attention to the present and future generations is
also
 rather important.
In particular
,
this
 level is shown as the one on which ordinary individuals might immediately rely when they encounter difficulties.
For example
, if residents need to deal with their financial issues, they are able to get rid of their guardians and replace them with their cousins, brothers, or any other relatives. Despite
this
 evident reality,
people
 have a natural desire to care for their loved ones and to strengthen the bonds of family.
Therefore
, there are strong benefits that emphasize how important it is to focus on
this
 generation. In conclusion, both statements have proved the essence of getting to know about their elder family values
as well as
 revolving
about
Change preposition
around
show examples
 the present and future generations.
Submitted by hominhtrang995 on

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Task Achievement
To improve Task Response, ensure that your essay directly addresses the question throughout, offering a balanced discussion of both views and a clear personal stance in the conclusion. Incorporate more specific examples to support your arguments for both sides and your own opinion. This will make your response more complete and comprehensive.
Coherence and Cohesion
Aim for clearer organization and better linkage between ideas to enhance Coherence and Cohesion. Though you have a logical structure, making transitions smoother and ensuring each paragraph focuses on a single main idea will greatly improve the readability and flow of your essay. Additionally, a more explicit introduction of main points at the beginning can help guide the reader.
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