IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

In some countries, parents spend very little free time with their children. Why is this the case? Who affected more by this, children or parents?

Nowadays,
parents
Use synonyms
 allocate negligible
time
Use synonyms
 to their
children
Use synonyms
. The reason behind
this
Linking Words
 lack of attention could be deliberate or unintentional, meanwhile, I believe
children
Use synonyms
 might expose to more serious risks than
parents
Use synonyms
. There are some reasons why today's
parents
Use synonyms
 have less contact with their
children
Use synonyms
. The main reason might be they often seek financial stability by working a lot. To be more precise,
parents
Use synonyms
 sometimes devastate themselves
into
Change preposition
with
show examples
 their tasks or even are obliged to do overtime. Through
this
Linking Words
 practice, they spend significant
time
Use synonyms
 on their work to earn more money and create a stable living status for their
children
Use synonyms
. Another potential reason is that some
parents
Use synonyms
 prioritize personal enjoyment over their adolescent's needs. They often surf the net or spend
time
Use synonyms
 with friends consciously rather than pay attention to their home responsibilities.
Hence
Linking Words
, these
parents
Use synonyms
 might have fewer opportunities to spend
time
Use synonyms
 with their
children
Use synonyms
.
As a result
Linking Words
 of the aforementioned reasons, I would argue that
children
Use synonyms
 may damage higher than adults
following
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 ignorance. As
children
Use synonyms
 are in a vital developmental period, they might experience some social issues and psychological problems because the youngsters imitate
Correct pronoun usage
their parent's
show examples
parent's
Fix the agreement mistake
parents'
show examples
behaviors
Change the spelling
behaviours
show examples
 as
role
Add an article
a role
show examples
 model and probably will do it when they grow up.
For example
Linking Words
, boys accurately assess their father's acts in social aspects, interpersonal relationships and law-abiding and do it reciprocally in the future.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
children
Use synonyms
 need more emotional support since they are at the highest level of dependency on their
parents
Use synonyms
.
Therefore
Linking Words
, a lack of attention to
children
Use synonyms
 might bring emotional problems
such
Linking Words
 as ADHD or depression in childhood. In conclusion, in some areas, people devote themselves to other responsibilities other than parental roles because of financial needs or being
self-centered
Change the spelling
self-centred
show examples
.
However
Linking Words
,
children
Use synonyms
 are at a higher likelihood of risk than
parents
Use synonyms
 regarding social and psychological problems.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • economic pressures
  • work-life balance
  • cultural shifts
  • material success
  • neglected relationships
  • digital distractions
  • quality time
  • single-parent households
  • caregiver responsibilities
  • parental involvement
What to do next:
Look at other essays: