Some people argue that we should do research into their family history. Others, agree with the view that we should focus on the present and future generations. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

There are controversial perspectives heating up a debate
whether
Change preposition
about whether
show examples
we should originate
people
's family
history
or just concentrate on the present and future
generations
.
While
some
people
hold a strong view that an individual's family
history
should be taken into consideration, others make a statement that the present and future
generations
are more important. Whilst both of them are valid to some extent, I would consider myself
as
Change preposition
apply
show examples
an advocate of the latter. Without a shadow of a doubt, it is research related to each family
history
that plays
such
a paramount important role in
people’
Change noun form
people’s
show examples
society.
And
Correct word choice
This
show examples
this
owing to the fact that historical studies are sources of information about family trees which
also
do wonders for biological aspects.
For example
, doctors rely on genetic features that they are genetically inherited to diagnose and predict more effectively the potential of being infected
such
as lung cancer.
Hence
,
While
the redeeming feature of conducting research into
history
is widely acknowledged, it is alarming if studies involved in the present and next
generations
are neglected.
And
Correct word choice
This
show examples
this
probably
Add a missing verb
is probably
show examples
because for the time being and
also
the
Change preposition
in the
show examples
future, there are
people
who can be there to give a hand promptly. To be more specific, when
people
face financial difficulties, parents, cousins, siblings and relatives are the ones who they can turn to for support.
Thus
, those are
people
that ordinary
people
should focus on in the form of spending time with and looking after them which can strengthen the bonds among the family members. In conclusion, even though family
history
research is important, the now and next
generations
should be put on the top.
Submitted by hominhtrang995 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Task Achievement
Directly address the question in your introduction to ensure your position is clear from the beginning. This will help to immediately orient the reader to your stance on the topic.
Task Achievement
Include a wider range of specific examples and data to support your arguments. This will strengthen your case and make your essay more convincing.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure each paragraph has a clear main idea supported by examples or explanations. Try to develop each point fully before moving to the next.
Coherence and Cohesion
Improve the flow between paragraphs by using a variety of linking words and phrases. This will help your essay to progress more naturally from one point to the next.
Coherence and Cohesion
Revise and proofread your essay to correct incomplete sentences and ensure that each sentence contributes meaningfully to your argument.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: