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Writing Samples
Band 6

Nowadays, the football supporters behave violently. What is the cause? How can we solve it?

#football #supporters
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Today many people argue that
supporters
Use synonyms
 of football
very
Add a missing verb
are very
show examples
 rude when defending
his
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
team
Use synonyms
.
Linking Words
This
Change the determiner
These
show examples
supporters
Use synonyms
behave
Wrong verb form
behaving
show examples
 violently is what causes it too fanatical.
Therefore
Linking Words
, one potential solution to the
supporters
Use synonyms
behave
Wrong verb form
behaving
show examples
 violently is giving education
how
Change preposition
on how
show examples
 to
support
Use synonyms
 the right way. The causes
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
supporters
Use synonyms
behave
Wrong verb form
behaving
show examples
 violently is too extremist because the followers feel disappointed when saw the state of
his
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
team
Use synonyms
 lost in games.
That is
Linking Words
 to say, they do not know how to control their emotions, and they do whatever it takes to vent their emotions until they are satisfied. Afterwards, the result of their
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
 is
loss
Correct article usage
the loss
show examples
 of all involved parties.
For example
Linking Words
,
Change preposition
in The
show examples
The
Correct article usage
An
show examples
 incident in
Correct article usage
an Indonesian
show examples
Indonesian
Correct your spelling
Indonesia
show examples
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
football match riots ensued
Use synonyms
fans
Change preposition
among fans
show examples
 because the club
those
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
they
support
Use synonyms
 lose and they attack anyone resulting in casualties.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, one of
Correct article usage
the solution
show examples
solution
Fix the agreement mistake
solutions
show examples
 for reducing losses from abusive
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
 by
supporters
Use synonyms
 is giving education
how
Change preposition
on how
show examples
their
Replace the word
there
show examples
 be
well behaved
Add a hyphen
well-behaved
show examples
fans
Use synonyms
.
That is
Linking Words
 to say, the government give some rules for
fans
Use synonyms
 or
their
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
teach
Correct subject-verb agreement
teaches
show examples
 how to properly
Use synonyms
support
Correct pronoun usage
themsupport
show examples
. Afterwards, if
fans
Use synonyms
 know how to
support
Use synonyms
 correctly it will benefit the other
peoples
Fix the agreement mistake
people
show examples
 because it is essential to
supporters
Use synonyms
.
For instance
Linking Words
,
fans
Use synonyms
 in Japan continue to behave well,
while
Linking Words
 his
team
Use synonyms
 suffered defeat in the match
like
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
they respect the players, so when they are doing it will have a positive impact or there
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 not any big disadvantages.
To conclude
Linking Words
, there are
Add an article
the cause
a cause
show examples
cause
Fix the agreement mistake
causes
show examples
 of
fans
Use synonyms
doing
Wrong verb form
do
show examples
 like it because they are too fanatical when supporting his
team
Use synonyms
. A great way to tackle
supporters
Use synonyms
Correct pronoun usage
who behave
show examples
behave
Wrong verb form
behaving
show examples
 violently
Linking Words
this
Change preposition
about this
show examples
 problem is
giving
Change preposition
by giving
show examples
 education
how
Change preposition
on how
show examples
 to
support
Use synonyms
correctly
Correct pronoun usage
them correctly
show examples
. Where possible,
such
Linking Words
fans
Use synonyms
 respect their
team
Use synonyms
 whatever happens in games.
Submitted by muh.yassirullah on

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