IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Computers are being used more and more in education. Some people say that this is a positive trend, while others argue that it is leading to negative consequences. Discuss both sides of this argument and then give your own opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#computers #education #people #trend #consequences #argument
Using
computers
 in
education
 has always been
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 hot topic of debate. Some
people
 believe that
this
 is a positive trend
while
 others said that it is leading to negative consequences. One of the top reasons that make
people
 think using
computers
 in
education
 is not a good idea is that
computers
 are not easy to
use
, mostly with the elders. Because the development of
computers
 is only recent, except
the
Change preposition
for the
show examples
 young generation, most of the elders can not
use
computers
 in a clear way. That makes learning even more difficult. With
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
young
people
 who can not
spent
Change the verb form
spend
show examples
 their all attention on
study
Wrong verb form
studying
show examples
,
use
Wrong verb form
using
show examples
computer
Correct article usage
a computer
show examples
in
Change preposition
during
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
study
times
Fix the agreement mistake
time
show examples
 makes them can not focus on the lessons,
makes
Wrong verb form
making
show examples
 the quality of learning
more
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
decrease.
On the other hand
, there are
also
 many reasons to make
people
 believe that using
computers
 in
education
 is a positive trend. First of all, there is a lot of information on the internet that can be used for
study
Add an article
the study
show examples
. That strongly helps the students be more active in absorbing new knowledge. The second one, in the era of information technology development, the computer is one of the
Correct quantifier usage
pieces of equipment
show examples
equipment
Change to a plural noun
equipments
show examples
 which is used for learning. It is more convenient if the teachers and students know how to
use
computers
 to serve for
study
, like
study
Wrong verb form
studying
show examples
 online
in
Change preposition
during
show examples
 the period of the development of
Covid-19
Correct article usage
the Covid-19
show examples
 epidemic. That ensures
safety
Add an article
the safety
show examples
 and
also
 helps
people
 have no difficulty
to gain
Change the verb form
gaining
show examples
 knowledge. In conclusion, using
computers
 in
education
 brings more benefits for
people
 than what can be seen. I strongly hope that
computers
 can be used more and more in
education
 to help Vietnam's
education
 become more developed.
Submitted by pcamps.pr on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: