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Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think parents should supervise their children’s activities closely, while others believe children should have more freedom. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #parents #children’s #activities #children #freedom
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Advances in technology bring a new rise to freedom for
children
Use synonyms
 . As we know ,
children
Use synonyms
 nowadays, like to live freely without any interruption from
parents
Use synonyms
.
while
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 few argue that
parents
Use synonyms
 to eagle an eye on their young generation to closely Analyse the activities,
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however
Add the comma(s)
,however
show examples
 others believe that
children
Use synonyms
 live as free as birds.
This
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 essay will discuss both views and provide a conclusion.
To begin
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 with,
advancement
Correct article usage
the advancement
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 of science and technology
create
Correct subject-verb agreement
creates
show examples
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
show examples
various resources for
Use synonyms
children's
Change noun form
children
show examples
.
Thus
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,
substantial
Add an article
a substantial
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 number of
Add an article
a youngster
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youngster
Fix the agreement mistake
youngsters
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 going to use
this
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as
Change preposition
in
show examples
an
Change the article
a
show examples
 wrong
ways
Correct the article-noun agreement
way
show examples
. So
parents
Use synonyms
 should
plays
Change the verb form
play
show examples
 a significant role in
this
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 to provide
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 right information about the
utilitization
Correct your spelling
utilization
. For, example , in India
thousands
Add the preposition
ofthousands
show examples
parents
Use synonyms
 do not
purchased
Change the verb form
purchase
show examples
 a cell
phone
Fix the agreement mistake
phones
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to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 their
children
Use synonyms
 . Because
their
Replace the word
there
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 are numerous not relevant applications which distract young people from the path .
Althought
Correct your spelling
Although
,
in
Change preposition
under
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 the supervision of
parents
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
children's
Change noun form
children
show examples
 do not
mixed
Change the verb form
mix
show examples
 with bad companies which
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 unwanted
plus
Correct word choice
and
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 give a negative impact on them to consume drugs and use abusive language .
On the other hand
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, freedom is
also
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 important in
this
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 modern era, there are numerous benefits
of
Change preposition
to
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 it. If
children
Use synonyms
 move freely they should have
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 potential time to know about talent and
experienced
Wrong verb form
experience
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the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society to know their abilities and build
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
show examples
interpersonal skills .
Therefore
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 ,
meet
Wrong verb form
meeting
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 new peoples give
a
Change the article
an
show examples
 opportunity to
children
Use synonyms
 to be
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
motivated ,
Correct word choice
and self-confidence
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self-confidence
Replace the word
self-confident
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 and remove
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
hesitation .
Furthermore
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, it
build
Change the verb form
builds
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 a strong relationship
their
Change preposition
with their
show examples
 friend ,
due to
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this
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 increased
the
Change the word
their
show examples
 life
requirment
Correct your spelling
requirement
 and trust their
parents
Use synonyms
 more . For , example , in
Us
Correct article usage
the Us
show examples
Use synonyms
children's
Change noun form
children
show examples
 live
thier
Correct your spelling
their
 own space to succeed and
passionate
Add a missing verb
be passionate
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 in life . In conclusion,
importance
Add an article
the importance
show examples
 of supervision is required for
children
Use synonyms
 to
be
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
live a better and
decipline
Correct your spelling
discipline
disciplined
 life .
However
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, many opportunities are recommended
which
Correct word choice
that
show examples
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 freely available to
experienced
Change the verb
experience
show examples
.
Submitted by Jimmydehal090 on

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Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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